He has them 4 nights a month

[Monetbyhimself]

And he still can't get out of his bloody bed with them in the morning. DD has been texting since 8am. She's cold (told her to put her fleece on) , she's hungry (I packed breadsticks and bananas in their bags because this is a recurring issue ) little DD needs the loo but was warned last night to stay in her room until daddy and OW got up ( and they do what they're told cos daddy has form for lashing out) There's no point in me texting him so I sit here 100 miles away waiting for a grumpy, selfish man to get out of his bed and actually look after the children properly. And to think that he spent three years trying to prove to a court that he was fit to have them overnight.

[Berzingaa]

Can't you go back to mediation? Or Court as a last resort they might stop his overnights..

Why have them overnight if you can't be bothered to get up and look after them. How selfish

[Monetbyhimself]

No mediation cos he's an abusive git. The final residency contact order was only agreed a few months ago and I hold no hope that the courts will be in any way concerned about this low level neglect. Eldest is getting to the stage where she isn't bothered about going anyway.

[mumtobealloveragain]

How old is your daughter? Perhaps he feels she is old enough to entertain herself for a couple of hours in the mornings (rightly or wrongly).

We also have the rule at weekends that everyone stays in their rooms and plays quietly/watches tele until grown ups are up but that's because otherwise one will wake up really early and go and wake all the others and then the older ones moan and then we have lots of tired and grumpy children by dinner time. Grow ups here get up early though. Do you know why they have this rule? Surely she is allowed to use the bloody toilet as an exception to the stay in your rooms rule- have you tried asking him as perhaps (if she's young) she may have misunderstood?

As for the snacks issues. Is she old enough to go and get herself a snack or make herself some breakfast?

[Monetbyhimself]

She's not allowed to go out of her room. Ex is not to be woken as him being woken from his sleep increases the likelihood of him lashing out. He got up at 12. OW is still in bed. Kids are warching videos whilst daddy is on the computer. Quality time. Not.

[mumtobealloveragain]

How old is your daughter OP?

If she is old enough to make her views quite clear and you've spent 3 yrs in Court to come to this current residency/contact order surely at some point this problem was raised? Ie the children are forced to stay in their rooms, not allowed to use the toilet or eat and are scared of their father "lashing out " if they do.

By "Ow" do you mean his new partner/wife? Or just some new other women you feel her is putting her before the kids?

[Monetbyhimself]

The main focus of the court proceedings was his assaults on the children. Overnight contact was only reinstated a couple of months ago. These problems are only becoming evident now that the reality of being a parent is kicking in. These people have a lot of bridges to build and trust to regain with regards their care of the children.

[lizzie479]

Bloody hell why did the courts give him overnight access? Lashing out? Do you mean physically? You must be worried sick! The UK court system is a joke! What would happen if you witheld access as you are concerend about them being cared for appropriately? Whats the worst they could do?

[lunar1]

I would be stopping contact and going back to court. Save all the messages from your dd.

[Monetbyhimself]

Lizzie yes the courts are a joke in many ways. Yes he ha cautions for assault. He's done 'therapeutic work' and in the words of the childrens court officer, the court won't 'keep testing him for ever'
I hate every second that they are aware.

[Monetbyhimself]

Sorry should say away not aware.