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Domestic Abuse while with Ex

(13 Posts)
enderwoman Mon 18-Nov-13 13:41:05

Ex has children EOW.

He was EA with me and is EA /VA to his girlfriend. (Latter is based on hearsay from kids)

Last weekend he had dd for contact. (Ds1 and ds2 refuse to go to his house) DD is 10 and called me up to ask me to get her. According to dd, Ex had smashed a painting, thrown food at his gf and punched a hole in the wall.

I am livid and don't want to send her for contact in future. What should I do now?

I have suggested contact during the day only since I trust him when sober.

When I picked up dd he let me leave with her without a fight and has sent a sorry text . I know a text is pathetic - just saying he might have a vague inkling that he's a fuckwit.

starlight1234 Mon 18-Nov-13 14:14:16

You shouldn't send them to contact....

Witnessing contact is damaging to children...My Exh was arrested for domestic abuse ..I received a letter from SS stating this.....

You should be able to believe your kids are safe on contact

enderwoman Mon 18-Nov-13 16:11:49

Thanks. Just talked to dd and he drink drove with dd in the car and tried to strangle his gf. Fuck fuckety fuckwit. Nobody has called the police so not expecting social services but who knows?

Will not be sending them for contact. The children have messaging access to ex. Should I be monitoring that?

starlight1234 Mon 18-Nov-13 18:13:42

not sure how old all of them are but I would be...This doesn't sound like a guy who likes to take no for an answer..

I would be esp concerned about texts his sends to his kids when he has had a drink

enderwoman Mon 18-Nov-13 19:17:04

The children are 12,10 and 7. The middle child is the only one he sees regularly as ex believes that the children shouldn't be forced into contact and was pissed off that Id been encouraging them to go before.

He's been sending the 10 yr old lots of messages about how sorry he is and how he and gf have made up and he's going to make it up to her and dd when he sees her. I know it's EA and that I'll be the bad guy when I change things (sigh...)

BlackeyedSusan Mon 18-Nov-13 20:14:55

keep the texts. report to social services yourself. do not send for futher contact.

oh and well done for getting out.

cestlavielife Mon 18-Nov-13 22:49:16

Report to police so it is on Record.

foolonthehill Tue 19-Nov-13 11:21:42

Definitely report this yourself.
To protect your children and also because we all have a responsibility to stand up for what is right. Silence allows what goes on behind closed doors to be ignored....nothing like this should stay secret and your DC need to know this too.

Glad DD called you and told you why.

enderwoman Wed 20-Nov-13 13:48:40

I have reported him.

I am expecting ex gf to deny it but not heard anything yet.

foolonthehill Thu 21-Nov-13 08:17:16

well done, you have done the right thing. And i know it is a scary thing.

what happens next is not in your hands

look after yourself and your dear ones

dawdyman Thu 21-Nov-13 10:58:18

Well done for reporting... there are other children in that home who should experience this sort of behaviour...

him saying sorry in standard response and sorry very typical of his type.. 'i'm sorry... I wont do it again...' until the next time... and he will be sorry then too...

Keep your children safe, be strong and don't be intimidated.... be clear in your reasons

stewartlaura67 Fri 22-Nov-13 09:36:02

If he is a kind of person involved in domestic violences it s better to give your self a better chance to be with somebody else who is more understanding and trustworthy.

starlight1234 Fri 22-Nov-13 13:01:43

Well done for reporting it...

How is DD now?

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