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(12 Posts)
HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 21:35:26

ok long story but separated from ex when ds was few months old cos I found out he ws secretly taking class a drugs!! Fast forward a while and he ws supposed to have cleaned up his act and assured me and everyone else that it was a one off and he wouldn't do it again. Gave him one chance to prove himself, First time he had ds overnight, I went to collect him nxt morning and found him in a state and found things in ex's house that suggested he ws still on drugs. when i confronted him he locked himself in a room and refused to give ds bk and I had to call police to get my child bk!!! ..( shortened version)

Since then I have refused contact unless it was supervised for these reasons and ex basically told me to F off and said he would rather have no contact at all. Again long story but it's been over 8 months since then and he hasn't seen ds or asked after him but kept harassing me cos he ws obviously upset that I didn't want him anymore but nothin to do with ds. Apparently he "heard" I had a new partner( I don't) and for the last 8 months has been threatening to take me to court for contact (even though I always offered him contact) ...he ws only sayin it to get at me cos I ws ignorin his advances, not cos he wants to see ds.

Anyway it's finally gone to court and referred to cafcass. Judge asked for a section 7 report from them cos of welfare and drug issues and he ws ordered to do a hair strand test. Contact of any kind was denied in the interim. Just had a meeting with cafcass and they are suggesting supervised contact in a centre, providing he passes a drugs test but ex has failed to do the drugs test even though it has been over 5 weeks since the deadline he ws given to do it.

Personally I think ex is putting off test so drugs can leave his system but I'm annoyed because cafcass don't seem to be chasin him up to find out why he hasn't done it! She said if he doesn't do it by the time she files her report (in another 4 weeks) she will not recommend any contact.

My question is why are they being so lenient and givin all this time to manipulate the results? If he does it before cafcass report is due they will say no more about it and allow supervised contact as proposed but why is he being allowed to blatantly ignore deadlines ordered by the court?? Isn't there consequences for not complying with an order without good reason?

Surely if it has been court ordered for him to do it by a certain date and he still a hasn't 5 weeks later, thats pretty clear that hes either still on drugs and is tryin to delay or he is just not that bothered in persuing contact....

my question is can they just stop the case now because he hasnt complied and/or will they treat him not doing the test as a false positive?

Sorry if I rambled on and this doesn't make much sense but any advice would be appreciated !!!

betterthanever Thu 14-Nov-13 22:13:37

I would say that things are going well for you - it may not feel like it but they are.
The hair strand test will have to cover three months. The court will question the delay, delay is never looked kindly in any way.
I think for cafcass to say if he doesn't do it then they will say no contact is much better than many get so please don't say anything to them or they may start to be less supportive of you.
You are going to have to hold on tight and see if he does the test. He may not do it, in which case they will say no contact, he does it and it's positive, no contact and if he is clear/negative supervised and he still has a lot to prove and will have already been late on one direction so not a good start.
Bite your tongue, try and relax and see how it goes. Your cafcass officer sounds good. They can't do more than they have said, they will give him some chances but not forever, rightly or wrongly.

starlight1234 Thu 14-Nov-13 22:43:27

I agree with last poster..Keep CAFCASS on your need them to be on your side...

Fingers crossed he knows the reality and won't bother

RedLondonBus Thu 14-Nov-13 22:54:42

We'll it wasn't 'court ordered' really. Cafcass are requesting he does it. It doesn't look good so far

HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 22:58:29

Thank for the advice smile

I know that there are more positive than negatives just feel abit frustrated because at the first hearing there were only two conditions to the temporary order, one was the drugs test (which he hasn't done) and the other was to give ds a bday gift (because he made a big deal in court about having bought him something but because he was denied contact in the interim he ws only allowed to give it via a family member) bt that turned out to be another lie. He hadnt got him anything, think he was just sayin he did to look better in court bt ds was left disappointed on his bday.

I am just going to be patient and wait until the next hearing, it just annoys me that he is dragging us through the courts , even though he wasnt being denied access in the first place and he can't even be bothered to do 2 simple things that would progress the contact he claims to want!

Your right though, I'm not gonna rock the boat with cafcass, he has another 2 months till the next hearing so that's more time for him to prolong the test but I suppose he's only making himself look even more guilty!!

betterthanever Thu 14-Nov-13 23:01:42

Even better for you, he hasn't done either thing. Most would at least make some effort at this eary stage and it usually takes much longer, a lot more money, stress and upset for the truth to come out. OP good luck with everything. Cafcas are just giving him the benefit of the doubt so far, I promise they will not for much longer.

HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 23:04:30

RedLondonBus - the drug test was ordered by the judge not cafcass, judge gave him over a month to get tested by gp (this was 2 months ago)

cafcass were asked to make a report on seperate welfare issues and they concluded that contact should be supervised - but they don't want to make that recommendation until they can at least be satisfied he's clean. If he doesn't do what the judge ordered they will recommend no contact

RedLondonBus Thu 14-Nov-13 23:05:51

How old is your child?

My ex had to prove his commitment first... Before any supervised contact

He had to do letterbox contact and build up to phone. He fell at the first hurdle. Bet yours would to. Basically, you are setting him up to fail

HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 23:15:59

Betterthanever- thanks, I knew he wouldn't make any effort to see it through properly, in 8 months he hasn't asked after ds once - and he's been sayin he ws takin this to court since march, but he couldn't "afford" the £200 court fee that's why he only just done it (-even though he earns good money, has bought a car in that time and been on holiday twice) speaks volumes about his priorities really!

HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 23:21:23

Redlondonbus - ds is just over 13 months old, and he hasn't seen him for over 8 months of that

Yeah I think he would too- he couldn't even be bothered to write out a card for his first birthday- I doubt he'd make the best penpal hmm

theunashamedow Fri 15-Nov-13 02:39:07

Sounds like its going fine so just be patient. Legal process takes a while and often there is not much penalty for delays etc although its not going to help him either.

lj222 Thu 06-Feb-14 17:26:34

Hi Hankepankie, I was just wondering how you were getting on with your case? I'm in a very similar situation. Ex has been ordered to do drugs tests before supervised contact may take place which he hasn't done. I've therefore not allowed any progression and it is going back to court next week. Cafcass are saying that he needs counselling and that things should progress without the tests!

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