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(12 Posts)
ajs2013 Thu 14-Nov-13 20:12:06

I am completely at my wits end, tonight my ex and father of my child told me that everything he said to me when we were together was a lie. He left me when I was 3 months pregnant, he went from 'I love you' to silence and I did and still do absolutely everything for our daughter with no help from him at all. He broke my heart and it has taken a long time to be ok again.

I still loved him up until my daughter was about 9 months old. I moved to Lancing to be closer and so he would have a good relationship with his child. This is my biggest regret. I know I should've moved closer to my family in Milton Keynes now.

He has now turned his family and friends against me and I am alone. So alone I cry all the time, I struggle by and it is starting to affect my daughter. I need to move closer to my Mum to have some support, I can't stay here, if I do I honestly don't think I will be here in a years' time.

I suffered PND because of being so alone, I got better and have been off anti depressants for 9 months. I have good days and bad but do workshops and talking therapy to help myself.

I need some advice on how I can move. I am on housing benefit as I was made redundant, I have no savings and would really struggle to get enough money together for a deposit let alone the costs of moving vans and suchlike. The council say I am not in need enough (despite having letters from doctors and health visitors) and to private rent I would need a guarantor earning 3 times the annual rent (which I don't have) pass a credit check (which I won't) and have a reference from my landlord (my exes family - not going to happen)
It seems my only option is to deliberately make myself homeless and get kicked out then apply for council help because I am homeless.
I don't know where I would put my furniture or how I would transport it from one place to another or pay for it to be in storage.

I have got to the point where I am so low because I am alone that I need to move for my health and the wellbeing of my daughter. Why is there no help??

Any advice would be much appreciated...

Amy x

mydoorisalwaysopen Thu 14-Nov-13 20:17:45

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Is there any possibility you could move in with your mum and then save up for a deposit on a rented house/flat.

HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 21:48:32

I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time!!! thanks

Just to clarify, is where your living now a council or private place?

queenofthepirates Thu 14-Nov-13 22:15:36

It's maybe not as bleak as you might think. There is plenty of help out there you just need to tap into it. There are guarantee schemes available for the deposit. I'm a private landlord and have a tenant on such a scheme. I would strongly suggest not making yourself intentionally homeless, especially if you have had depression issues lately. It could be very stressful.

I would give Gingerbread a call to ask for advice. They are brilliant, free and just for single parents.

Best of luck, the only way from here is up xxx

betterthanever Thu 14-Nov-13 22:24:27

OP you have tried so hard to do the right thing and you are now so unhappy. I was going to put what the first poster said about moving in with your Mum for now, is that a possibility?

starlight1234 Thu 14-Nov-13 22:52:03

I would also advise...Making yourself intentionally homeless means the council don't have to help you...just a word of warning.

You need to the council in your mums area... they may b able to give you some advise

MuffCakes Thu 14-Nov-13 23:03:29

Not all landlords credit check, have a look in the trade it and gum tree although you will need a deposit. If you make a plan to save up a grand (that will be your minimum deposit) and then find a private rent not agency.

Put up a few adverts in shop windows local to your mum and ask around loads.

KerwhizzedMyself Thu 14-Nov-13 23:05:11

Some councils have schemes where they pay the deposit and act as your guarantor. You could get money for moving costs by taking out a budgeting loan. Don't give up hope yet!

BopsX3 Thu 14-Nov-13 23:11:33

Are you on income support or anything like that?

If you are, you can get a budgeting loan for your first months rent and moving costs etc. As previous posters have said, not everyone requires a garauntour, you just have to look around. And not everyone required a credit check.

Also, are there any other housing associations besides the council in your mums area? They may be able to help, especially with the letters of support you have.

Could you ask friends and family for help? Maybe somewhere to stay or even just store some things for you?

Don't make yourself intentionally homeless. The council can refuse to help at all if you do

ajs2013 Thu 14-Nov-13 23:13:05

Thanks all, it would be very difficult to move in with my Mum as she has no spare room, same with my Nan who lives in the same area.

I will give Gingerbread a call, thank you.

I currently am in private rented accommodation.. looks like I will need to look for similar and not through an agency and do some research in MK.
Hopefully the council will help with a guarantor scheme or something...

Thank you all for a bit of light in an otherwise gloomy evening x

BopsX3 Thu 14-Nov-13 23:19:29

hope this helps

HankEpankie Thu 14-Nov-13 23:35:14

OP I would take the others advice- whatever you do DO NOT make yourself homeless - the council would not help you. Having a child would mean they are obliged to give you temporary accommodation - but that would be in some hellhole hostel no doubt, and would only be for 2 weeks and then you would be on your own!!

Try not to worry though, there is probably more help out there than you think - just need to make some calls etc

As others said there are organisations such as gingerbread and citizens advice that can point you in the right direction and if your on benefits the council may be able to assist you with a deposit. Not all landlords need a guarantor or credit checks - try looking on gumtree and sites like "say yes to dss" which are more likely to have something your looking for.

1 more thing - the council actually has a list that they update very month, with details of private landlords that accept dss - they won't bloody tell u this though, they expect u to guess useless bastards give them a call and they will photocopy the list for u

Hope this helps ! X

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