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Dc's dad doesn't want to see them anymore

(47 Posts)
17leftfeet Wed 30-Oct-13 23:47:57

For the last 3 years exp has had the dcs alternate weekends

During that time at least one night of the weekend he has been leaving them with various family members while he goes out

He never rings them in between contact

Recently he said the weekends aren't working for him so he wants them a couple of evenings during the week instead

I've told him this won't work for the dcs due to after school activities so he needs to stick to his weekends and he's not happy, says he won't have them

He has a strained relationship with dd1 but dd2 loves seeing him

I feel so sad for them -is there any point even trying to change his mind?

17leftfeet Thu 31-Oct-13 08:29:00


Mumof3xx Thu 31-Oct-13 08:32:38

He could just be saying that so you alter plans and he can have them during the week as he wanted?
How old are the dc?

17leftfeet Thu 31-Oct-13 08:40:18

They are 10&12

Old enough to have a strong opinion about their after school activities

If he only sees them after school where is the quality time? I don't understand his logic

NoComet Thu 31-Oct-13 08:43:55

He wants to see his DCs while still having a full social life by messing up their extra curricular activities?

He's an arse, being a parent doesn't work like that - sorry.

He's also ensuring you don't get quality, weekend child free time and that he doesn't have to organise any days out, spend any money entertain the DCs like he would at a weekend.

Yes, very neat and totally selfish.

17leftfeet Thu 31-Oct-13 08:51:11

So am I doing the right thing saying no?

I feel like its then me preventing him seeing them if I say it's the weekends or nothing

He won't take me to court I know that but I feel like I should be doing more to support the dcs relationship with their dad

If dd1 had the choice she would say she didn't want to see him but that's a bug decision at 12 and I don't want her to make it

noddyholder Thu 31-Oct-13 08:53:05

What about your free weekend though? Can't he just go out alternate weeks?

Hassled Thu 31-Oct-13 08:55:49

"I feel like its then me preventing him seeing them if I say it's the weekends or nothing" - no, he's preventing himself from seeing them. This really really isn't your fault.

17leftfeet Thu 31-Oct-13 09:00:07

I don't get any child free time -I'm either working or have the dcs

Mumof3xx Thu 31-Oct-13 09:15:55

How do your dc feel about this?

Mumof3xx Thu 31-Oct-13 09:16:43

At 11 I was given the option to visit my mother or not

Sometimes I would but not often

pumpkinsweetie Thu 31-Oct-13 09:22:30

I think they are old enough to choose, although it seems he is incapable of being a father which i find very sadsad

It sounds like it's his way or the the highway & anything in the middle isn't good enough so he would rather not bother with the inconviencesad

Your poor children, this will be awful for them to realise

17leftfeet Thu 31-Oct-13 09:27:35

Mum of 3

I haven't told them yet

I've told them their dad wants to see them during the week to which dd1 said 'I'm busy' and dd2 asked if her dad will pick her up after drama group which he won't because its too much faff, he will only pick up from after school club

treadheavily Fri 01-Nov-13 09:07:40

My ex is simikar to yours. Says his one night a week was "too stressful" and would like them one at a time.

Actually he said he would love to have them 24-7 bit it's not realistic, that one each, once a week would work.

I mean, who the hell parents like that?!

Rosencrantz Fri 01-Nov-13 13:05:08

I'd let the kids make the choice. If they say no, tough shit dad.

queenofthepirates Fri 01-Nov-13 13:14:17

Let him cool off for a bit and leave the door open for him to change his mind. I think you need to make the decision for the kids but it does have to be in their best interests and dropping after school activities probably isn't a great idea.

As long as he can come back to you and renegotiate, I think you are doing the right thing.

FWIW, he sounds like a twonk and you sound great xx

ChippingInLovesAGoodBang Fri 01-Nov-13 13:19:42

What will it mean for you if he refuses to have them every other weekend? Will you have to pay for childcare so you can work?

17leftfeet Fri 01-Nov-13 13:23:22

It will mean I have to give up my job -weekend childcare just doesn't exist

ChippingInLovesAGoodBang Fri 01-Nov-13 13:33:39

You can get weekend childcare - you just need to advertise for a permanent babysitter on or ask around locally. Especially given your two really just need an adult in the house, a studying student would be a good, cheap option.

How long before you would consider leaving the girls at home on their own while you go to work?

As for twunt, I'd just keep saying 'No - weekends are the only option'.

17leftfeet Fri 01-Nov-13 13:47:51

I've looked into weekend childcare, I'm out of the house 6.30-5.30 Saturday and 8.30-6 on Sundays, no one is interested in those sorts of hours

I wouldn't want to leave them for that length of time until dd1 is at least 14

Emma19MilWife Fri 01-Nov-13 13:51:14

depends where you are - I do that for one of my friends and its fine - the kids are happy, and everyone gets what they want. Security, entertainment, and I am keen t ensure they dont use the computers etc. Where (roughly to avoid any weird ideas that I might be stalking you) are you?

lunar1 Fri 01-Nov-13 13:54:18

I think if you stopped all their after school activities it wouldn't be long before that didn't suit him either.

17leftfeet Fri 01-Nov-13 14:00:56

I'm in West Yorkshire

I'm too far away from any of the uni towns, I've asked the younger staff at the after school club but they looked at me like I had 2 heads when I said I would need them to start at 6.15am on a Saturday!

They do occasional evening babysitting for me but all day at the weekends? No

I even suggested 1did Saturday and 1 Sunday but they weren't interested

Non of the local childminders work either extended weekday hours or weekends

Emma19MilWife Fri 01-Nov-13 14:11:13

ok, interesting. i live in Harrogate (just outside actually). I am a housewife ( and happy to be so before anyone starts...) and would be more than happy to take care of them. My husband is in the forces, away a lot, including now and without wishing to sound bad, I am happy to do it for nothing. Interested?

DollyTwat Fri 01-Nov-13 14:15:50

17 my ex turned up in court, where I was asking for supervised contact, said he wanted no contact.

I still don't really know how to explain to my dc. Have said he's not well, etc

I guess you can't force these cunts to be dads

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