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He's breaking her little heart

(10 Posts)
Lonecatwithkitten Mon 28-Oct-13 22:33:17

Been separated (very close to divorce now) from ExH for 17 months now after he had affair. He now has weird relationship with OW.
Anyway they have headed off to Spain for a holiday and in the past he has moaned and groaned if more than 48 hours has gone by without DD phoning him.
She last spoke to him on Thursday, so Saturday she tries answer phone, Sunday the same, today this morning the same. This afternoon about 4pm I suggest she tries again as will be 5pm in Spain hopefully he is still sober and awake to maybe answer his phone 'oh mummy there's no point he never picks up'. I try further persuasion as really he makes my life such a misery if she doesn't phone. Of course answer phone again she leaves this really sad message about how unhappy she is he doesn't answer his phone. This evening she develops a migraine, stress is her trigger and the rest of her day has been fun, with her cousins. So no guesses what her stress is. So once she is in bed I send a text asking what time would be best to phone tomorrow as she is desparate to speak to him - no reply.
Just so sad for her. I won't bring it up no as frankly he's blown it.

AlexaChelsea Mon 28-Oct-13 22:37:07

How old is she?

Could his phone be off, or not working in another country?

I don't think a few days is wild to not speak to your parent whilst they are in holiday, tbh.

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 28-Oct-13 22:43:32

She's nearly 10. His phone works every where this was a bone of contention in the marriage as he took work calls on all our holidays.
In the past it has been him who has thrown his toys out the pram at not speaking to DD. Hence me initiating the phone calls otherwise I get poisonous texts.

AlexaChelsea Mon 28-Oct-13 22:47:43

Well, in that case I'd be genuinely concerned.

He doesn't like going more than 2 days without contacting DD and he is always with phone. I'd be worried.

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 28-Oct-13 22:53:00

That thought has crossed my mind, but apart from the fact they are in Spain I know nothing else. The phone rings for several rings so you would assume if he had been in an accident someone else would answer it. I guess I just have to wait it to see if like the bad penny he is he resurfaces.

betterthanever Mon 28-Oct-13 23:18:20

Sorry to hear this lone it may be a few things as you know 1. OW doesn't want him having so much contact 2. something has happened although I think this is highly unlikley 3. He doesn't want to ring for whatever reason of his own.
I would just see how it goes and then address it once you know more and this may then lead to how things progress. In the meantime time I would play it all down with DD for now and say something like `I am sure he will exaplin what happened next time he speaks to you which may be when he gets back - don't worry sometimes phones play up abroad'. She doesn't know what you know. I know unhelpful sorry OP I really feel for you. I didn't want to read and run.

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 29-Oct-13 08:13:12

Penny turned up half an hour ago phoning up as if she'd spoken to him yesterday. At least she is happy now.

WithConfidence Tue 29-Oct-13 09:56:12

Sorry to hear you are having to put up with this.

Are you keeping a diary of when she has been messed around and migraines to show a pattern?

It is a sad thing to say but at 10 she may be happy she has spoken to him but she isn't going to forget the 4 times she tried and he didn't pick up or return the call. It's painful but this may help her to realise what he is like and so expect less from him.

He sounds a nasty piece of work, insisting on phone contact but ignoring her.

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 29-Oct-13 16:09:55

I know she won't forget I feel sad for her that he is damaging his relationship with her. His excuse was he didn't take his phone to the beach - I'm thinking at 10pm at night!
He is really just stupid, thoughtless as selfish. I guess this weekend he has been happy and having fun so didn't 'need' her phone call. I often wonder who is the actual child.

WithConfidence Tue 29-Oct-13 18:18:50

It is sad for her. But unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it except pick up the pieces and be the best parent you can be.

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