Why do I always feel worse this time of year??

[Kendra78]

Hi everyone
Just wanted abit of chat if that's ok. I am a single mum to my lovely three year old daughter. My ex and I were together for nine years before I found out he was cheating on me with his ex. To top it all he left me in tonnes of debt, which I will spend the rest of my life paying off. Anyway enough of the rambling. Wanted to ask, how do people cope with being lonely. I feel like I see couples and family's everywhere. My ex and I have been separated for nearly two years. You would think I would have found a way to cope/deal with it by now!!!
Just wanted to chat, sorry
Kendra

[ProtectiveMother]

Ah poor you! I'm the same as you. 2 years separated. Still feeling terribly lonely at times but trying to do the following I have found helps me:

-Taking care of myself better
-Working on self improvement- physical, mental, emotional, financial and career-wise.
-Focusing on having fun with the kids and trying to be organised.
-Staying AWAY from Internet dating. Away! Away! Away! Haven't looked at a site since July. Not planning to go back on.
-Getting myself a social life (VERY slowly lol) Developing friendship relationships.
-Sometimes allowing myself to feel angry, sad, sorry for myself- have a duvet day, eat chocolate ice cream etc :-)

[Kendra78]

Thanks protectiveMother. I think I have eaten far too many naughty treats already!! But will try some of the other things you have said. Xx

[Sasquatch75]

Hi, I'm sure once your dc starts school you won't feel as lonely. I've made loads of new friends since my oldest started (he's in year 2 now) and we meet up during the day, they come over in the evenings and sometimes we all go out on a Saturday night when I'm free

[showtunesgirl]

OP, this is a side issue but is it also possible that you suffer from SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder? This may partly explain why you feel bad at this time of the year.

[ProtectiveMother]

Matilda save yourself the energy. Now lots of ppl will no doubt chime in and say I'm wrong but I ignored those who said its full of losers and ppl just wanting sex and gave it a really good shot. 1 year. 14 'dates'. Stood up 3 times. Save yourself the effort!

[ProtectiveMother]

Showtunes that's funny that you mention SAD syndrome as I am beginning to think I suffer from this in the summertime and its now starting to go away! Most ppl get it in the winter- not me! I get in when I am forced to stay in the UK in the summertime!

[ProtectiveMother]

Also to the OP, depression is a known stage of break up grief. Read about it on Facebook page 'Everyday Feminism' (which is also a great help for feeling good without a man)

[lostdad]

Kendra78 - give me a shout if you want a few pointers with finance. A lot of people get saddled with debt they needn't be.

My other half has helped a few people on MN who are in similar financial situations as you - she's a paralegal and an ex debt collector (so she knows what works and wasn't).

Most of all, don't worry, eh? There aren't many things in life worrying about and money is definitely not on that small list.

[Kendra78]

Hi everyone
Thank you so much for all your lovely supportive comments. They really have cheered me. Just to be able to chat freely is great. With regards to the debts, they are all in my name, I have tried with different banks and the companies that I took loans from, but it's no use. My ex wanted new cars every year and me being stupid thought it would make him happy but he wanted more. His parents used to look after our daughter while I worked six nights as a nurse but when he walked out they refused to look after her anymore and so I had to quit my job the day he walked out. So it was a struggle to keep the house as he refused to give anymore for our daughter and I had none. I had the most lovely baliffs but they are there to do a job so it was very upsetting when they came round. The debts will always be there but I am determined to pay them off. My creditors were great and froze the interest on most things, but money is still a struggle. My ex then tried to take his own life a couple of times after we spilt, think he was just attention seeking as he blamed me and would leave messages on my answer machine if I refused to speak to him. It's very weird now as he says he still loves me and wants us to get back together!!! Told the sod to bugger off.
Xx

[Kendra78]

Lostdad, would be grateful for any info on sorting stuff out though, any advice would be great. Xx