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'You took me away from daddy' - how to respond?

(10 Posts)
Runwayqueen Thu 12-Sep-13 11:06:57

Posting in behalf of my sil, who has recently become a lp. Her xdp had been seeing ow for sometime, and when sil found out she left xdp. Xdp remains in the family home, whilst sil has found lovely home for her and dd (5yrs). Xdp sees dd once a week overnight, the rest of the week he phones when he remembers.

Anyhow backstory over....
Last night xdp rang to speak to dd. dd told xdp that she was allowed to stay that night at xdp. As convo was in speaker phone sil reminded both that as it was a school night and dd ready for bed (6.50ish at this time) it wasn't possible for dd to go to her dads. Xdp kept saying its up to mummy.

When the conversation was finished dd said to her mum 'you took daddy away from me'. Sil naturally very upset by this remark, but didn't make Any fuss of it last night. If dd says this again what you recommend saying in response to dd?

Thanks for reading and helping me help sil

Runwayqueen Thu 12-Sep-13 11:07:44

Sorry I should have put dn, not dd

cestlavielife Thu 12-Sep-13 11:53:54

"i can understand that is what it feels like to you. mummy and daddy ahd to amke a deicsion not lto live together any more. but you will be able to go stay with daddy on xxxday. "

she needs to write out a little stoary in simple terms about what has happened, remind dd both parents love her and point out she still gets to see daddy.

Runwayqueen Thu 12-Sep-13 22:32:43

Thank you for replying. I'm seeing sil 2moro so will show this to her. I'm a lp too but my dd was 16m when her dads affair was discovered so its an area I've yet to come across

LegoLegoEverywhere Fri 13-Sep-13 10:36:24

"Daddy did something that made mummy very sad. You can stay over at your Daddy's every week but not on a school night as you need to be up early. If you'd like to talk to Daddy more why don't you ask him to ring you more often/every night?"

Your SIL needs to deal with her dd in a calm, reassurng way (and keep her natural upset away so dd can't see). Sounds like she's doing this tbh.

Onebuddhaisnotenough Fri 13-Sep-13 19:46:36

As well as the above, Ex 'd' P is being a manipulative git. What he SHOULD be saying is the same as what mummy says. Is the whole notion that it was mummy who did the 'taking away' stemming from him as well ?

Branleuse Fri 13-Sep-13 19:53:40

He shouldnt say its up to mummy, as its painting her as the perpetrator/bad guy

Runwayqueen Fri 13-Sep-13 20:22:45

He is very manipulative, just as his brother was to myself but that's another story. We spoke today and she has spoken to him about it, and how he needs to parent with her not against.

I know I have no right to be proud of sil but I am. She has handled herself with dignity and nothing but thought for her dd

ProtectiveMother Sat 14-Sep-13 14:26:21

I wish I had a sister like you Runway Queen!! :-)

ProtectiveMother Sat 14-Sep-13 14:26:58

Or a sister in law like you ;-) Not fussy!

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