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Cant get any explanation

(3 Posts)
Kelliewallace Sun 08-Sep-13 19:15:50

My daughters dad and i have been seperated since the start of my pregnancy. We have an extremely difficult relationship and are 2 very different types of parents. He refuses mediation and unfortunately he has involved the courts in every aspect of his contact with the little one. Currently he sees our daughter every 2nd weekend saturday to sunday although before the last 6 weeks he had cancelled 9 of the 13 contacts he should have had. My daughter is extremely anxious when she has to go and often gets upset, with encouragment from myself and dad she eventually will go with him. Each time she comes home she is really clingy and tells me how she was crying at night because mummy wasnt there. Today before he brought my daughter home he txt saying she had a scrath and bruise on her back and he assumed i knew about it as he said nothing had happened at his house. When he dropped our daughter home he then told me she had hurt her head and now had a cut and bruise on her head. At that point i told him i knew nothing about any bruises on her back and asked what she had done. He said he didnt know what had happened and it probally looks worse than it is. When i got little one into the house i had a proper look, the bruise on her back is actually a bruise with a friction burn on top of it which is very raw and sore she also has a bruise on her bottom and at the bottom of her back. The cut on her head is your typical little cut where she has a hit a corner of some sort. When ive spoken to my little one she has explained how she had an accident and fell down stairs and her daddy was in the shower. Shes told me how she was crying and her cousin tried to help as daddy couldnt hear her crying. Im looking for some advice ive asked him to tell me exactley what happened and how such a sore accident has been completely missed by him when he should have been looking after her, and how at 1st hes tried to claim she got the bruises etc when she has been with me. He has his usual stand off attitude claiming im trying to accuse him of hurting little one, as a mum i know no matter how much u watch little ones there always going to have falls and bumps and accidents what really worries me is he refuses to take any responsibilty or give me any explanation whats happened to her, and it makes me feel even worse knowing that at 3 years of age my daughter is being left with no adult supervision and if he cant tell me the simplist thing like her having a accident what else is he hiding??

freemanbatch Sun 08-Sep-13 19:35:29

can you take her to the out of hours GP to get her looked at? it sounds like it could be quite painful for her and if she's fallen down the stairs you don't know what else she's banged on the way.

I took mine once after contact with their dad, I told the person that we saw that they hadn't been with me so I didn't know what had happened and they spoke to my child and wrote everything down that she said as well as checking her over which meant there was an independent record in case he decided to tell someone she'd arrived at his house with bruises.

I hope your little one is ok.

mumandboys123 Sun 08-Sep-13 22:25:07

if he was in the shower, he doesn't really know what happened...which is why he can't tell you. You can push all you want but not saying anything is probably a better response than lying.

If you are concerned, taking her to the GP or health visitor would be sensible and getting an official record of the bruising and marks. You may also want to take some photos with a date stamp on them. Make a note yourself of what has been said (open a file on your computer and password it, add to the file as you go along, e-mail it to yourself every now and again in case of computer meltdown) and let contact continue as normal. If a pattern forms, then you need to seek legal advice.

For what it's worth, my 4 year old was born post separation. He had two older brothers to go to contact with so it's never really been an issue for us. He does, however, often say he cries at dad's house and misses me but the older two assure me that it's very short lived if it does happen. At some level, I think it's inevitable that a young child will miss their primary carer, particularly at bedtime. It's just something we all have to live with.

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