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So tired, lonely and at the end of what I can take

(73 Posts)
HHH3 Tue 27-Aug-13 21:56:04

I have 2 DSs aged 9yrs and 8mo. At the moment DS1 is at his dad's. DS2 is here (his dad died in June. We weren't together though).

I'm exhausted from the frequent night wakings for months on end. I'm lonely. Finding it so hard to cope when everything for DS2 falls to me 24/7.

I get a couple of hours off each week as I have a fantastic babysitter but that's it - I'm on the go day and night the rest of the time.

Think I have PND and everything's getting on top of me. Have been trying so hard to cope and it's not working. Really not sure how much more I can takehmm

HHH3 Thu 29-Aug-13 21:14:59

I had PND with DS1 and did exactly that - didn't ask for help until it was so bad I ended up in a mother and baby unit. Which should make me better at asking for help this time really.

I actually go to a group where lots of the mums have had PND so they understand. Sometimes I ask for help/someone to look after him but that's usually if I need to do something/go to an appt and can't take him with me.

I just really wanted to be able to do this right this time. But it feels like it's all crumbling around me.

DS1 is back from his dad's on Saturday and then I'll have to cope with both of them. God knows how I'm going to manage that.

betterthanever Thu 29-Aug-13 22:12:25

I think when you have been through bad times before your body can become more sensitive too it - which is not diminishing how you feel, I hear your pain - but you will not become that ill again I am sure - you body has alerted you now. I would ask your friends at the baby group for some help and take the time to rest - I am sure they will and you will return the favour when you feel better. Don't think about Saturday just yet - get through tomorrow and try and get as much rest as you can - will you sleep when DS2 sleeps? please try - or even just sit and watch tv but get yourself comfy, under a blanket and you may just nod off. Don't get dressed tomorrow, just relax in the house just you and DS.
You are doing things right but it just is very hard - you are doing really well - just think of all the wonderful things you have done for your DS today.. he had been fed and loved and warm and safe because of you. You are a brilliant mum doing a very hard job on your own.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 29-Aug-13 22:22:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerrenaHarridan Thu 29-Aug-13 22:44:47

Fgs please hhh, speak up.

There is lots of help available.

You deserve it!
There is no shame in needing it, children are exhausting and are more than one adult is supposed to be able to cope with.

When I am resenting my lack if super human abilities I always think to myself

"if my friend was sitting here describing to me the struggles I'm having as their own, would I look at them and think 'could try harder' or would I think 'how can I help?'"

Ask for help, keep asking...

If the HV doesn't come through, phone sure start yourself.

Where abouts are you and ill get googling for things like home link (who have been amazing for me, Edinburgh)

HHH3 Thu 29-Aug-13 22:48:47

Sleep training - I'm not exactly sure yet but definitely not something that means I have to leave him to cry.

Might call the HV first thing and be a bit more honest. I'm not going to be able to keep this up for much longer.

I'm in Herts.

HHH3 Thu 29-Aug-13 22:49:32

Sorry - I know I'm not answering everything. Can't think straight.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 29-Aug-13 23:31:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HHH3 Thu 29-Aug-13 23:44:56

He normally goes down around 7. But the last few nights he's slept for a little while then woken and refused to go back to sleep. Tonight he went down a little later (8pm), slept for 20mins then was up til 10.20.

I've got the no cry sleep solution - just need to find time to read it!

betterthanever Fri 30-Aug-13 08:38:21

Morning Op - I have just noticed your past post was 23.44 - I am going to sounds like a bossy boots now but you should of been in bed by that time smile I would do that and still do it is nice to have that bit of time when the house is quite but please try and get some sleep as soon as baby does. I didn't and friends said the same to me and I ignored them. You deserve the rest after all the wonderful things you do for your DC in the daytime.

HerrenaHarridan Fri 30-Aug-13 09:26:46

HerrenaHarridan Fri 30-Aug-13 09:28:20

HerrenaHarridan Fri 30-Aug-13 09:28:36

HerrenaHarridan Fri 30-Aug-13 09:29:54

HerrenaHarridan Fri 30-Aug-13 11:31:04

This one isn't specific to lone parents so probably had more options xxx

twosquared Fri 30-Aug-13 12:55:15

Hi HHH3, definitely reach out for help, don't play it down! Its tough doing it on your own, can't even imagine with a baby. A short course of anti-depressents could help you to get some sleep. Not at all a sign of failure, a sign of doing all you can to be on form for your kids. People with even less to deal with than you have suffered - think Brooke Shields who spoke out about how hard it is
If you're not able to fall asleep during the day, can you take a chance to meditate? With practice that should help you to feel less wired which may in turn help you to sleep at night. If you have a smartphone, check out the Headspace App, its good. Pretty sure that's 20 minutes long, so you could do it when DS2 is asleep. Also check out this link on the benefits of meditation.
Hope things improve soon.

HHH3 Fri 30-Aug-13 18:29:28

Herrena - thank-you so much for the links. I'll have a look at them. And thank-you all for your messages.

So, since last night things have got worse. I now realise that as much as I want to, I can't do this alone. I need some help. Today I've been in contact with my old psychiatrist and I'm seeing her next week. She's one of the few 'professionals' I trust and can be completely honest with.

I've also looked more into sleep training and think I've found someone to help. It's probably going to mean stopping co-sleeping but right now I think that's the right decision for both of us.

All I have to do now is hang on til Thursday. Right now I'm hanging on by the skin of my teethsad

ProphetOfDoom Fri 30-Aug-13 18:43:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HHH3 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:02:21

Stopping co-sleeping isn't what I'd planned. But I can see that it's the best thing for us right now. I now realise that DS2 is sleep deprived as well as me and I need to fix that.

Tbh I'm struggling so much. I'm an idiot for letting it get this bad. And one of the things I struggle a lot with is the loneliness. It hurts that I'm no-one's priority (not including the boys of course). I have some wonderful friends but their families are, rightly, their priority. It hurts that no-one thinks of me like that.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 30-Aug-13 21:11:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HHH3 Fri 30-Aug-13 21:15:47

Yes, he has a cot (which he's never slept in). I just need to clear all the crap out of it so he can use it. Not sure what technique I'll use yet but I defo can't leave him to cry so pretty sure I'll end up sitting with him. I've already spoken to a friend who will stay over the first couple of nights for moral support. If I tried it on my own I'd cave in and feed him to sleep.

betterthanever Fri 30-Aug-13 22:25:18

You have to be your own priority - we all have to think that. You never know he may like the cot - my DS didn't like co sleeping. Great news that your friend is coming to stay over - enjoy every min of that - look at the love they are showing you - people love you - they do and they do because you are a caring person yourself - sleep well.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 30-Aug-13 22:33:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Mon 02-Sep-13 21:17:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betterthanever Mon 02-Sep-13 21:19:11

I'd just checked the thread to see if there was an update - hope you are ok OP x

HHH3 Tue 03-Sep-13 14:55:12

Thanks for asking!

Things are rough. It seems every way I turn there's no help unless I have money to pay for it. A particularly good friend seems to have dropped me. Just got to hang on til Thursday when I see my psychiatrist. Not that I expect much - I know full well that there's nothing she can offer me. But hey - I might be surprised.

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