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(7 Posts)
curlycatkin Wed 17-Jul-13 11:41:39

VENT warning... I do so well at keeping all this in, but was in tears this morning. Right so my ex, an alcoholic, supposedly now rehabilitated, SAHD with his baby, his gf working, now got fortnightly contact with our 3.. seems to be nicely back on the rails (for now).
While my life, my bf's life and the dc's lives are still in tatters thanks to his 3.5 yr court shenanigans, his financial fucking up and general hatred of me.
He now turns up to school events with his new family like he's presenting his new capability for all to admire (while giving me smug glances). I am left sooo angry.
I have avoided al anon so far, as WTF would I want to waste any more of my precious time on what he has caused. But I am going to go tonight. I can't take anymore.
Anyone else done this, found it helpful or want to talk about how irresponsible ex's getting away with it, getting forgiven and unconditional love from their DCS makes them, well, ILL...?

RedBushedT Sun 21-Jul-13 17:54:28

I went to al anon while separating from ex and found it invaluable. It really helped me to rationalise how I reacted to him and have me strategies to help me to avoid getting horrifically upset by his behaviour.
bits of it didn't really suit me, but add they say themselves "take what you need and leave the rest"

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 23-Jul-13 00:28:46

It's brilliant.

What did you mean about those things making him ill op?

I hate the smugness of the exes too. Makes me sick!

equinox Tue 23-Jul-13 14:22:23

I have to say I do echo RedBushedT in that I went to AlAnon many many years ago having come out of a violent relationship with an alcoholic and it was extremely helpful.

The other thing to remember is that if for any reason the group you don't go to isn't for you there are plenty of other groups around and about that AlAnon run you would be amazed. So do enquire if there are any others in the most unlikely situation that you aren't suited.

Good luck!!

curlycatkin Tue 23-Jul-13 21:14:10

Well, I went and will probably go again this week. Snoopy- I meant it makes ME ill.... Seriously have been feeling abitmad.
Was good just to be around others who understand how you feel, all sorts of awful stories.
I really did let it out a bit last week and can't help feeling a bit embarrassed but as they said, we've all been through it. Afterwards I felt worse for a couple of days. I think actually saying it to strangers made it feel more real eg. how I wish he was dead! I will certainly be taking what I need and leaving the rest as I am agnostic verging on atheist!
All in all, very supportive group, very helpful. The problem/s can't be solved by us we just need to look after ourselves. sad

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 23-Jul-13 22:57:51

It's all part of the healing process as you know. I have done my fair share of sharing personal details, crying my eyes out and looking a state at al anon meetings!

Well done for going. Keep going back ;-)

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 23-Jul-13 23:00:55

I too am agnostic/atheist. Al anon isn't religious. Yes a God is mentioned a LOT but that God can be whatever you want it to be- nature, your meetings, inner strength and self-development, the sea, the sun... :-)

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