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fed up

(11 Posts)
jan13 Tue 16-Jul-13 15:44:03

hey there i am just fed up at the minute. i am not going through what half of everyone here seems to be going through so i apologise for moaning, but i am just finding my toddler really hard work at the minute. she is so lively, i can't keep up with her. i try to plan stuff for every day for us to do, but somehow i end up near tears at some points throughout the day as i feel i can't deal with her - she seems to just torture me (not her fault of course)

and whats really hard for me at the minute, is every day my dd puts on her coat and her shoes (shes coming 2) and asks for her dadda. he takes her for 2 days a week (no nights) and it seems she has such a good time with him and then comes home to boring old me. i just feel like she won't like being with me as much because she is with me all the time and going out with her dad is like a treat. she whines for him every day, and its not like we don't do fun stuff. i have her at the park, the beach, playdates, the zoo. yes sometimes i get tired and we stay in, but i really do make an effort. im just down about it all. i want a job but am still in training and can't afford to work until i get qualified due to childcare costs. i just need a break or a change. sorry for moan!

cestlavielife Tue 16-Jul-13 16:15:22

talk to your hv see about any groups etc available.
ask for a nursery place for her.

look up local one o clock club in park near you they usually run thru the summer - or ask early eyars at the council for advice on drop in centres running thru out the summer

if she asks for dad say breezily "yes see daddy on xxxday", and distract.
if you need to have her watching cbeebies it is fine you know, use tv as needed. or get some of the numbers and letters dvds - so its educational - yes children can learn from repeating watching these my son did...
like mr men or others

do you have any outside space she can potter in with water play sand play?

dont feel guilty, you dont have to provide huge activities or zoo trips
do you have family or friends you can take her to visit so you not alone ?

jan13 Tue 16-Jul-13 16:28:56

hey there, i have the einstein dvds which are great, the mr men ones sound great so i might get her some more. they don't have any one o clock clubs near here or drop in centres, they do have surestart but they are closed for the summer.

i do have friends with children which helps so i don't feel alone, but but i am still finding it so demanding. my family live quite far away but mum comes a day to see her

i have just enquired to the local nurseries and the really are quite expensive even for the most limited time i am allowed to put her in. it would be 2 half days a week. that would be amazing, for her and for me but shame it comes with a hefty price. ill talk to my hv but i really doubt theres much she can do until dd is 4. thanks for your reply smile

Lonecatwithkitten Tue 16-Jul-13 18:43:44

Firstly it won't be as long as 4 you will get a funded place the term after she is 3 and in some instances from 2 you may qualify.
Don't feel bad about over whelmed my DD is 9 and I still feel it. Daddy is a Disney daddy (all fun) you are the one putting order and stability in her life and that is more important than anything else.
One thing runs all year round is church crèches even if you don't believe not having her for an hour a week whilst you sit quietly with your own thoughts ( just zone out the service) then having a cup of coffee with other parents can be helpful.

jan13 Tue 16-Jul-13 18:57:59

hi Lonecat thank you, i am sorry you are dealing with the overwhelming feelings too and the disney dad factor as well, its not fun, but that is a good way to think about it, that i am the one creating stability.

i will for sure be looking and enquiring but my dds bday is september and from what i have been told she will not be able to start funded nursery till 4. i do go to church the odd time, and have tried to put her into the nursery but she won't let me leave her side so i can't go into the service (every time i try she doesn't stop crying and i get called out of the service!) i guess i just have to hang in here. i am going to ring the hv tomorrow to check for sure about the nurseries.

jan13 Tue 16-Jul-13 19:04:58

like just now my dd got home from her dads and was crying and tantrumming about coming in to see me. its very upsetting - is this normal? it makes me feel awful!

gintastic Tue 16-Jul-13 19:12:42

If you are in England and qualify for free school meals (on income support? And a few other categories), you should be able to access 15 hours a week free childcare during term time. I help to manage a preschool and we are gearing up to accept more 2 year olds. Your HV will know more about this, or try your county Families Information Service... Sounds like you are doing a fab job so far, though...

gintastic Tue 16-Jul-13 19:14:49

Also your local children's centre will have information, they should be running activities over the summer. Ours does events focused on lone parents so you might be able to access support here as well :-)

revealall Tue 16-Jul-13 21:24:58

Firstly children love different but familiar . That's why grandparents are such a hit. Also she is sharing her news not comparing you, honestly. Even if you were a shocking mum you'd still be the most important person to her because you're her mum. Read the threads on here about mothers -you are key whether she's having "fun" or just being well looked after.

It does change and quickly. It all changes all the time. Think "long term" really is my advice.

Also they are their own people.They aren't just products of you.They think and do things in their own way. Practice getting through the day and they will go on and be whoever they want to be.

TurnipIsTaken Wed 17-Jul-13 05:17:24

Ds is 3 and this is familiar. I just hope that by putting the work in to look after their day to day needs, we are creating the stability they need. It is hard but try and look at it as a good thing that her dad is involved and you are not storing up those problems for when she is older. My ex is a bit of a twat but atleast my ds will know him and not wonder about him. I just breezily say "Daddy is at work, you'll see him in X sleeps." If you look in parenting topic there are couples who are together who struggle with dc asking for the other parent all day - it is just harder for us because the other parent is an ex.

And you don't have to be doing the zoo every day, of course it's great to do things with them but tiring too. She needs some time just to chill at home, play with her toys etc.

Toddlers are really hard work and it would be easier if there was another parent on hand to do bathtime when you have just had enough. Make the most of your time when ex has her, re-charge your batteries.

I thought every 3yo gets 15hrs funded place per week?

BlackeyedSusan Wed 17-Jul-13 10:32:07

ah yes... ds was whining in the car that he did not want just mummy to visit for tea, but wanted daddy too.

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