Moving for work(7 Posts)
I left my xh last year after yeras of EA and we divorced at the end of the year. Our two dc live with me and visit him pretty much eow, although I have to fit around his shifts which is becoming increasingly disruptive to any plans that the dc and I have (swimming lessons etc.). I was working locally and hoping to get more hours but i have recently found out that I'm being made redundant. I work in a very specialist field and there is no opportunity to do this locally. I explained my situation to my employer and they were very honest and said that they don't expect to have any work for me in the next couple of years at least.
I applied for an amazing job 2.5 hours away and have just been offered it. It is on a great salary and would let the dc and I have real financial security for the first time since the split. I currently have no pension and surviving on tax credits and meoney from part-time work which is soon to disappear. This move would mean security and would offer a lot of opportunities to the dc (near to the coast) as well as me.
I know their dad won't like it and will try to stop me going. But I'm not doing it to be malicious and if I stay where I am i will lose my home anyway as well as watching my earning potential diminish as my qualifications become less relevant. I'm going to suggest that we can still do eow, although this may not work out perfectly around his shifts. I'm happy to meet him halfway to drop off and pick up the dc and will facilitate contact as much as possible. I want my dc to have a good relationship with their dad, and I think this is still possible from 2.5 hours away of we are both willing to make it work.
I know its not ideal but neither is me being financially destitute to accomodate his career and work patterns. It's really hard and I'm 99% sure this is the right decision but I still feel guilty. What would others here do in my shoes?
every other weekend is quite good access. he could apply for a pso totry and prevent a move I think,weher he would get anything from it tho,who knows. he might argue using the education angle
how about grandparents and other family?
There's no family near where we live now or where we're moving to. Mine are really supportive and visit when they can but are about five hours away from both locations. In terms of education, my youngest dc hasn't started school yet and my eldest is in year 1 so I'm hoping that as long as i get them into a 'Good' Ofsted school which is what dc1 is at now then there shouldn't be any grounds for objection - hopefully anyway. Xh expects me to accomodate him in any way possible and I think he'll shocked that I'm doing this but there are real positives for the dc and I and I surely can't be expected to live in the same town as him for the next 14 years just to make his life easier and to have me become financially dependant on him, which is what he'd like. I think the key will be us both being prepared to make it work. We'll see I suppose.
I'd do exactly what you're doing, except I wouldn't feel as guilty about it ... you have to get on with it
Do it and don't feel guilty. The courts will not be interested unless your move away is a deliberate attempt to stop him having contact with the children. They are not in the business of stopping people from rebuilding their lives after divorce. It is too good an opportunity for the children and you.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.