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should i allow my ex partners girlfriends see my daughter when shes with her dad

(123 Posts)
lilworthy Wed 10-Jul-13 14:42:19

hi im new to this but im stressed about something so anything if you can help in anyway right my daughters dad has just got himself a relationship with a girl he met of the internet and they have been allowing her to come down without my knowing and my daughter meeting her and im upset as i still love him in a way but we been split for 4 years now they have been together for under a year and i told my ex when we was able to talk to each other that he dont let my daughter meet his girlfriend unless i have met her just to get to know her and know she wont cause any harm to my daughter my ex was abusive towards me and i agreed with his mum because me and him are not allowed to talk because he keeps saying he loves me and that. we agreed that his girlfriend will not come down when my daughter is to spend the weekend with her dad and they asked me if they could take my daughter to the beach i said sure because i throught it ment my daughter and her dad were going to spend time together but i have just found out by his mum that my ex invited his girlfriend to the beach with them and that her dad and his girlfriend left my daughter with his mum and that and didnt spend any time with her at all and they keep going behind my back and letting my daughter meet her when we agreed that dont happen and his mum threaten me with court and kept saying if i got a relationship they wouldnt want to meet him they wouldnt care but if that was to happen i would want my ex to meet him if i knew it was going to last even though ive been on my own 4 years now due to my ex lieing and threating and all that his family kicked him out my parents gave him a place to live when that happen his dad kept phoning the police on my ex partner for no reason that i know of and my exs dad hit him he came to me because we was living together and he wanted to phone the police on his dad because his dad hit him and i stopped that he parents never liked me and i dont really like them anymore i get on with them for my daughter but i have lost the trust and respect for them now and im confused about what to do

teetering13 Fri 12-Jul-13 12:00:51

Glad you're all sorted then now :/

lilworthy Fri 12-Jul-13 11:33:01

Im fine and I dont need help

Jux Fri 12-Jul-13 10:58:52

OP, not everyone is against you, really they're not. It's just your ex's family and that's very common. Maybe you are spending too much time thinking about them, which makes what they think seem more important than it is.

You have said a few times that you're not coping. For this reason, it would be a good idea to see your GP. It may be that s/he can get some real help for you in place, whether it's someone visiting your home and doing things, medication or counselling.

It seems to me that you feel very alone and friendless in this situation. Please go along to the surgery and talk to your doc.

HoldingHigh Fri 12-Jul-13 10:24:49

OP, please go and see your GP. Your emotions are all over the place. Maybe go to see a councillor to let it all out. With this help you may see things more clearly and have the closure you need. At the minute your emotions aren't letting you look at this rationally.

For what it's worth I completely understand where you're coming from about wanting to meet a person who may be spending a lot of time with your daughter. Unfortunately if you ex doesn't agree or the girlfriend doesn't want to then there's not much you can do about it I'm afraid unless the situation is really affecting your DD.

teetering13 Fri 12-Jul-13 10:05:58

In your original post you said you still love him in a way ... now you say you don't care if he dies ... you really sound all over the place at the mo sad

lilworthy Fri 12-Jul-13 01:16:12

Yes he was his mum was ment to be supervisioning he can be a good dad but now he is being crap in that sense. And tbh im fine. Im just not coping as I was but other than that every one is against me. And making me feel like im doing everything wrong! I couldnt get less if he got hit by a bus.

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 11-Jul-13 22:46:30

Just posted a lengthy message, and it kerpoofed into cyper space angry

op I know how you feel about the gf. My ex introduced his last gf to the dc 6 weeks after we split! The poor lads were still trying to understand what had happened.They met his new gf a week into their relationship! Both times was far too soon.

However, in your situation the gf isnt the problem. If.your ex has been violent, he (imo) shouldn't have unsupervised access to your dd. You need to see a solicitor to sort this.

But what about you? You sound angry, resentful, depressed. Do you have a support network for you? Friends? Family? You need to speak to a gp or someone about how you feel, before it eats you up.

I've had depression, I've been there. It hard. Really hard!

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 21:13:26

My dd is 4

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 21:12:17

No next weekend and no im not coping I feel im doing everything on my own.

HeySoulSister Thu 11-Jul-13 20:23:12

Op is 21

Is he collecting her this weekend?

teetering13 Thu 11-Jul-13 19:55:47

It is all about her though, if you're talking about her and daughters happiness .. I agree though, go to the docs, not the solicitors .. I think it'd do you a world of good to get this/your feelings under control, either by counselling or whatever ... but you don't sound like you're coping very well sad

ladydeedy Thu 11-Jul-13 19:36:22

How old are you? I'm sorry to say this but you sound like a very immature young woman. You and your ex split up FOUR years ago and you are still unable to move on?
Seriously, this is not right. Your ex and his GF and his family should not be any of your concern. Why are you even thinking of them? Let your daughter enjoy spending time with her other half of her family.
Get yourself some professional help as you are harming your child first of all, and secondarily yourself. It's not all about YOU.

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 18:54:01

His mother will phone me and sometimes his sister will text me otherwise I have no contact with them at all. unless my dd has said something for me to be concerned about.

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 11-Jul-13 18:39:16

Your DD has not said anything for you to be concerned about and it doesn't sound as though they are interfering in your life.

So stop making demands and threats and please, please speak to your GP. If not for your own sake, do it for tour DD.

PatriciaHolm Thu 11-Jul-13 18:38:52

Don't answer the phone to her. Restrict communication to email only. Don't engage at the door. Or do you enjoy all the drama?!

HeySoulSister Thu 11-Jul-13 18:38:29

block them then. or don't only need communicate with your dd dad. you need to toughen up now and stop them walking all over you

PatriciaHolm Thu 11-Jul-13 18:37:36

She's a child. Children want to please their parents. She'll be telling you what she thinks you want to hear and him whatever keeps him happy. She's, what, 8? There is a reason CAFCASS don't put much weight on the preferences of the under 10s; generally speaking they will say what they think their parents want them to say under stressful and emotional circumstances. You are so over emotional about this, you are inevitably influencing her.

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 18:35:53

His mother will phone me and sometimes his sister will text me otherwise I have no contact with them at all. unless my dd has said something for me to be concerned about.

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 18:34:00

I dont think she is its up to hear what she says about her dad

HeySoulSister Thu 11-Jul-13 18:33:47

they can only interfere in your life if you let them!!

how do you communicate with them? text? phone? facebook?

PatriciaHolm Thu 11-Jul-13 18:31:15

I suspect your DD is saying what she thinks you want to hear.

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 18:31:07

But they are in mine great one!!

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 11-Jul-13 18:27:24

OP, you have demanded to meet his girlfriend. You have threatened to limit access to your DD. You are obviously having conversations with Ex's mother that are not simply about pick-up and drop-off arrangements.

Have your DD ready for collection, be there when she is dropped off and that's it. You do not need to interfere or engage with them beyond this.

lilworthy Thu 11-Jul-13 18:17:42

Good for her!........

RobotBananas Thu 11-Jul-13 18:09:17

Arrghhh fucking hell. Use the odd full stop, etc. Thanks. My 5 year old uses punctuation better than you do.

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