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Fed up of everyone having big sociable BBQs and me and DS being sat at home. :-(

(56 Posts)
YourHandInMyHand Sun 07-Jul-13 15:54:29

Feeling a bit sad. sad

Why don't people invite us to their "family and friends" BBQs? Everyone seems to be having a lovely sociable weekend except us. Is it because I'm a single mum? [paranoid]

frissonpink Sun 07-Jul-13 20:47:38

I'm not technically a lone parent, but still on mat leave and Dh works long hours so am always in on my own. I feel very invisible at times.

However, I still like to think that ppl just boast on FB and it's probably not half as interesting as they like to make out smile

lisalisa Sun 07-Jul-13 20:56:54

Well if it makes you feel any better I'm no t alone parent or blended famiy and still sat on my own arguing with ds all afternoon as the neighbours bbqed away , put up gigantic paddling pool and whole road was there but us - really feel like billy no mates so it can happen to ther marrieds too sad

girliefriend Sun 07-Jul-13 21:02:19

Yourhandinmyhand - I am with you!!

If I had a garden - I would invite you to our bbq smile

YourHandInMyHand Sun 07-Jul-13 21:31:16

Sorry for disappearing. It's been a tough day. sad

Sorry to others who are in the same boat, it sucks doesn't it.

I am quite quiet too and I think some people forget about us. I agree it feels rubbish to know I am easily forgotten.

I will try to be more proactive in the future but I suffer from anxiety and depression so I find it hard to do the essentials a lot of the time never mind anything extra. I put on a good show of being independent and "together" though. I guess it would be nice to know people had thought about us and invited us out.

revealall Sun 07-Jul-13 21:33:01

Ghosts that's really horrid (the bit where no one turned up). Where do you live - I'll come.

YourHandInMyHand Sun 07-Jul-13 21:38:59

Ghosts that is rubbish of them! angry

I've always felt like I'm on the outside of friendship groups too and yes I do feel bad for ds and worry he's missing out. He does miss our "bbq parties". We said goodbye to our social circle when I left wanker ex. I have some new friends but I don't think they consider me as close a friend as I would consider them.

sara11272 Sun 07-Jul-13 21:59:31

yourhand I could have written your post yesterday! I'm not a lone parent but my DH works weekends and I could smell bbqs and hear people socialising all over the place while i was stuck on my own with my hot grumpy children. It has the potential to make me quite down.

I do think it's sad that weekends are couple/ family time for lots of people and I genuinely think they just don't consider inviting people who might be on their own - not through nastiness necessarily, just unthinking-ness.

Yesterday I was so peeved I put something on fb along the lines of 'why is everyone else having bbqs while I'm stuck in on my own!' - and as a result, a friend invited the kids and me round to join their barbie. I had a totally unexpected and really nice evening, cheered me up no end.

I think sometimes we try too hard to put on the 'everything's fine', happy 'Facebook' face and if we let people know how we're really feeling, all kinds of good might result. I'm going to try being more honest in future (not just by whining on fb! - but just being more willing to show when things aren't so rosy) and see if it helps. I think people tend to take each other at face value and forget that there might be lonely souls behind happy faces.

I would definitely join your park BBQ (and I would have come to yours, Ghost - how rude people are!!)

SnoopyLovesYou Sun 07-Jul-13 22:29:59

Ah this thread cheers me up so much!!!!!!!!

So nice to know I'm not the only one!


steppemum Sun 07-Jul-13 22:37:09

Oh - we had a big BBQ today, but it was a leaving do for a friend moving, and so it was all her friends that we had here.

It is the first time we have used our garden for a party and decided it works, so I will now invite you all and we can have a mn BBQ meet up in my garden next Saturday
bring enough to feed yourselves (sausages and rolls and bottle) and we will all share.

(any of you near Swindon??)

BlackeyedSusan Mon 08-Jul-13 00:03:13

i love barbeques. haven't had one for ages. we used to get invited toone, but it would be too difficult now with the children. one has asd, the other mobility problems. not easy to supervise and relax with.

Ghostsgowoooh Mon 08-Jul-13 09:27:26

I guess they had better places to be sad

No where near swindon steppemum. I'm in North Wales. Anyone near Wrexham?

Ive had to turn off facebook this morning as everyone seems to be posting pics of the lovely get togethers over the weekend, ah well. Ive promised the kids a water fight later so bugger em I say. I might even get one of those disposable bbqs and do my own, just sausages and burgers for them smile

coribells Thu 08-Aug-13 20:36:13

I do BBQs on my own for the kids. I never get invited anywhere either, I'm just not good at making friends . Any other slightly socially inept people living nr London, lol?

shanelle5 Thu 08-Aug-13 21:14:18

I love those disposable ones, even I can work those grin
I got a couple from the local pouns shop and had a lovely tes with the kids the other evening. We got all the garden toys out, and I just did burger and sausages on one but marshmallows/smores on the other was the highlight! It was a cheap tea tbh and good fun.
Who needs men Pah smile

moomoo1967 Fri 09-Aug-13 09:46:48

I am going to play devils advocate now but I quite like sitting in the garden with my nibbles and a glass of wine and a book .... on my own. The peace is lovely. In the past I have invited DD's friends etc to mine but DD has never had an invite back. I soon learnt to not take it personally.

devilinside Fri 09-Aug-13 10:55:26

Funny how a few of us have ASD kids! I feel the same, fed up with seeing everyone else meeting up over summer, my children don't get invited either, DS has ASD and DD suspected aspergers. I'm in Reading

cestlavielife Fri 09-Aug-13 12:08:02

we have bbqs with family and with one LP friend and her dd.

where are you based yourhand? and ghosts? i have oldest ds autistic and garden for bbqs; you very welcome to come smile (he tends to stay inside and ignore us but will comment after that xxx came for bbq!
we in nw london

try contacting NAS and making contacts locally - is much easier with other families who understand...

or (they run an annual camping trip in shropshire attended by lots of kids with issues... )

cestlavielife Fri 09-Aug-13 12:11:03

add blackeyed and coribells ! now we have a party...

ds is 16 and dds are 11 and 13

JakeBullet Fri 09-Aug-13 12:18:33

Good to know I am not alone. I live in a cul de sad, a nice and sociable street BUT...DS is autistic, high functioning but autistic nonetheless. The children in the street have quickly realised he cannot cope with being teased but have not the maturity not to do we don't get to socialise. I always feel a bit of an outsider but have come to terms with it.....we have a garden so I do my own BBQ with DS and sometimes invite a friend over.

Where in the country are you? Near any of us here in this thread?

devilinside Fri 09-Aug-13 18:41:14

Jake, that's hard for your DS, fortunately my DS has been taken under the wing of an 11 year old who sticks up for him when the neighbourhood kids try to tease him

stillenacht Fri 09-Aug-13 18:42:37

We are the same OP. prob down to our DSs SN. It feels crap though eh hmm

YourHandInMyHand Fri 09-Aug-13 18:49:41

Just seen my thread in active convos smile.

I too am interested in the fact that a few of us have DCs on the spectrum. I suppose it stands to reason. A lot of relationships are put under strain when your kids have additional needs, hence more of us are single parents, plus it can mean we struggle with social stuff too.

Following this thread I put some big girl pants on and hosted a BBQ. I invited 2 other single mums and 1 couple. The couple didn't come (trouble in paradise wink ) but us 3 single mums and kids had a really lovely time. smile I can't afford to do it often as we usually eat very cheaply but it was really nice to have a bit of company and I am pleased to report I managed the BBQ and DS fine with my friends also keeping an eye out too. Next time I am going to invite family, then rotate and invite friends, and so on.

I am in East Yorkshire so quite far from those that have posted locations but if anyone is nearby that would be fab!

While it's been the summer hols I've tried really hard to be proactive about keeping in touch with people, and reaching out to new ones. I'm hoping this will help. I've met up with someone from our autism group at the park, and have the number of a mum from DSs swimming lessons and we are hopefully going to do something too.

YourHandInMyHand Fri 09-Aug-13 18:51:59

Jake we have the same teasing problem at school. And in the neighbourhood. And at the park. DS has a fear of something very random and they love shouting this out to see his reaction. angry It gets me soo cross!

There are some kids who are kind and understanding though, they just take a bit of finding.

wonderingisitme Fri 09-Aug-13 18:56:50

Is anyone here in london maybe a bit short notice maybe we could all have a meet up and have our own little bbq in a park somewhere this weekend?

coribells Fri 09-Aug-13 19:55:25

Isitme, where a outs in London are you?

Scruffey Fri 09-Aug-13 20:28:48

Op, your real problem is Facebook, not anything else.

Food cooked on the grill or in the oven is much nicer anyway. Not sure why people are so fixated on BBQs. I went to a BBQ at someone's house and we decided the BBQ was a PITA and we cooked the food inside and took it outside to eat.

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