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Child saying he could live with other parent to stay up later

(9 Posts)
Iwishitwouldgetwarmer Wed 22-May-13 11:22:30

My boys, like most kids, grumble when it's bed time. Last night my 11 year old said, in a throw away remark, that if he lived at his dad's then he could go to bed later. Ex is useless at getting them to bed so by later it could be anytime up to 11.30pm so it's not really an option.

tbh I didn't know really what to say so thought I'd ask you lot. There's no way I would let him get his own way by saying this as it's hard enough to get him to go to bed now, and can sometimes be 10pm before he goes to sleep.

What would you say to him if he says this again? Thanks.

Snorbs Wed 22-May-13 12:10:39

I'd be very non-committal and probably just say something like "Uh-huh" or maybe "That's nice". I'd try very hard not to rise to the bait, particularly if the conversation was taking place at bed time. If he pressed the issue then I'd probably say that we'd discuss it the next day.

My DS is pretty good about bed time but my DD has a real tendency to use bedtime as an opportunity to ask long and involved questions as a means to keep me talking and so make her bedtime later. Took me ages to work out what the little blighter was up to...

betterthanever Wed 22-May-13 12:16:35

In the long run OP your DS will know who has his best interests at heart, in fact he probably already knows. I bet this is quite common and more experienced people will be on.
I have just been thinking after reading a different thread on a different topic... that I am sure in 20 years time there will be a panorama programme on TV about what the current family court system has done to children...... and how bad parenting has lead to problems in society - you know you are being a great Mum, you don't need to justify it to your DS or anyone.

Holliewantstobehot Wed 22-May-13 12:20:08

I doubt he meant it - my ds does that sometimes too - like if I tell him off he says he'd rather be at his dad's - usually I ignore it but sometimes I say if you want to spend a bit more time with your dad I will see if I can arrange extra time at which point he says oh no thanks that's ok!

cestlavielife Wed 22-May-13 12:41:07

"when you older you can choose who to live with. for now bedtimes at this house are xxx pm"

WaitingForMe Wed 22-May-13 12:50:47

I'm another for vague Mmm noises. My step kids make out their mum lets them do all kinds of things (not very likely given what I know of her) and we don't rise to it.

One that they put to her was that at our house they get Pizza Hut (once in a blue moon) and it's better than the supermarket pizza she gives them. Her response was "And...?" Cheeky DSS1 reported this unsatisfactory response back to me. Obviously I said "And...?"

Children are the enemy not the former spouse wink

lostdad Wed 22-May-13 13:29:46

Don't bite. Simple as that. He's trying to play you off with your ex.

Iwishitwouldgetwarmer Wed 22-May-13 17:22:07

Thanks everyone. I knew I could rely on your good sense. I know deep down he knows who looks out for him and I'm the one he goes to when he's got a problem that needs sorting. I honestly don't think he'd want to live at his dad's but probably thought it was worth a try!

Snorbs - my 8 year old is the same. Another trick is to say he's hungry/thirsty when it's time for bed. I pre-empt him now and give him a snack about half an hour before bed!

kittycat68 Thu 23-May-13 09:56:33

this often happens with separated paretns, children trying to play one off against the other! If you are one of the lucky one your ex will back you up if not ....... well its going to happen over and over again on different issues.
totally agree with what betterthan never has said!!!

the court system often means that children are not allowed to be parented these days.
Try your best to stick to your rules, talk to your child why the rules are there, at 11 your childs trying to expand their independance and that includes pushing the boundries ( they think they are all grown up) grin its always worth an "ok i will phone your dad and ask shall i?" but the "and?...." works wonders !!

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