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Single father situation?

(3 Posts)
HLB11 Tue 21-May-13 12:39:05

Okay so, I've just signed up to get a few opinions on a current situation that is unfolding in the life of my brother-in-law.

My OH's brother is nearly 22, always been a nice guy to me for the 6 years I've been with his brother. The Christmas before last, he dropped the bombshell that his 17 year old girlfriend was pregnant. It was hard to be completely over the moon for them because of their ages, and the fact that they had been together on and off for a year, and their relationship seemed very volatile. It started off well, with them going shopping for baby things together, and my OH and I thought that they had really grown up and were accepting things. Then the arguments on Facebook started. The girl, I'll just call her A, was always very public about their rows, and would post everything on Facebook for the world to see. She'd also continually accuse him of cheating on her, all of which he denied. He never rose to the bait, not on Facebook anyway. August last year, their baby, a little boy, was born. OH's brother was at the birth, and supported her all the way through, then posed for numerous photos in the hospital with our nephew which were taken by my OH's father and stepmother. From what we could see, and were told, everything was fantastic and wonderful. And it continued to be fantastic and wonderful until a couple of months down the line, when things between them started to fall apart again. Since the week after our nephew was born, A was going out partying with her friends, getting either her mother or OH's brother to babysit. We then found out that when they had gone to register the baby's birth, she had refused to let OH's brother come in with her, and had also refused to put his name on the birth certificate. From what he says to us, their was no good reason for this, apart from her continuous accusations that he had cheated. OH's brother has been a constant presence in the baby's life, and has seen him progressively more and more. It has all come to a head in the last few days, when again, they have broken up after a brief spell together, and A has accused OH's brother of cheating on her and plastered it all over Facebook. Only this time, she has stopped OH's brother from seeing our nephew, and told him she can do what she likes as he has no rights. It seems strange to me considering our nephew was actually spending more time in a nursery and with his father than he was with A. She put him in a nursery so she could have her "me" time, and would only see him for 2 full days a week, whereas OH's brother was having him from Thursday-Monday. He was even forced to take an unpaid week off work to look after a poorly little boy, when A refused to look after him.
OH's brother is now attempting to meet with solicitors to fight her for custody, as he believes that their son would have a more stable environment living with him. To me, it seems that A possibly has some disorder which is actually making her behave like this, as it's completely irrational and she's not taking the welfare of her child into it at all. It seems that all she wants to do is hurt the father.
Sorry for the verrrry long post, but I just wondered if anyone else had any experience or knows someone who was a father who tried to get custody? He'll be getting a DNA test to prove little one is his, but it's pretty obvious anyway as little one is the absolute spit of his father.
It's horrible to see my brother-in-law going through this as he's such a lovely guy, and every time he brings our nephew to see us, he seems absolutely smitten with him.
Not sure if this is the right place to post this or anything, but any advice/opinions/etc. would be absolutely welcomed!
Thanks in advance.

finickypinickity Tue 21-May-13 12:55:13

What a horrible situation. I would say that you need to post in legal to get the formal route that your OHs brother will have to take to get his name on the BC and PR as quickly as possible because the whole process can be painfully slow and time flies by with a growing baby.

Financially and emotionally its a nightmare but hopefully a legal letter will offer them both mediation and get the situation resolved amicablyhmm

Concreteblonde Tue 21-May-13 13:10:24

Custody is a term whuch isn't used anymore and the correct terms are residency and contact.
Agree that posting on legal to get some guidance on the process required to get his name on the birth certificate are his first steps.
I would be careful not to unwittingly encourage an atmosphere of hostility. You are very negative about this girl and she is really only a child herself.
Block her on FB and encourage him and every other member of your family to do the same. Make sure that he is supporting his child financially and go through this initial legal process. When she and her family see that he is taking his responsibilities seriously the hostility may decrease and they may be able to come to a co parenting/ shared care arrangement themselves.
Unless the baby is at danger of neglect or abuse the notion that he wants 'full custody' is bound to be cauding a lot of angst.

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