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FOB causing problems

(3 Posts)
EagleRiderDirk Sun 19-May-13 07:38:35


I'm actually writing on behalf of a friend. She was with FOB for a few years on and off, during which time he was very emotionally and financially abusive. I could see him getting angrier and angrier as her pregnancy progressed and I made her promise me that if he ever got physical she'd leave. It didn't take long, there was soon an incident where he hit her and tore her clothes as she tried to leave. She was devastated but left for the babies sake.

When lo was born she decided that as FOB was FOB so he wanted contact she'd allow it, but only supervised. He refused for quite some time, denied he was the father through the csa but started seeing lo after the positive dna test. He managed to bully my friend down from some small visitation to seeing lo when it suited him for as long as he liked. And then it all went bad again with the controlling. Whenever my friend had plans he'd show up and scream at her so she'd cancel them, or he'd let himself into her house (which was quite a shock - he'd helped himself to a copy of the keys). He slagged her off constantly in front of lo. He constantly threatened her with court to get PR and overnight unsupervised access amongst some other things (e.g. to force her to early wean lo), and she became a nervous wreck again.

Eventually, through the help of a few friends' and some solicitors' advice she realised he couldn't do a lot of what he was threatening. She stood up to him and said she would let him continue to see lo, but he had to do set times and days - lo needed routine and so did both of them. He went nuts and refused to see lo for 2 weeks.

However he's now started bombarding my friend with abusive texts and emails again. She's holding strong in that if he wants to see lo he needs to have set days and times, lo has gotten into a decent routine without FOB around constantly waking him from naps or refusing to allow him to sleep, and lo is far more settled with a happier mummy. She's no longer scared of being taken to court because she's realised his threats are empty and if it happens she knows they wont give him access to lo whenever he wants it.

Is there anything she can do to stop the abusive bombardment?

lo is 6 months old if that makes any difference

calmingtea Sun 19-May-13 08:43:35

She needs to talk to a solicitor, as what he is doing constitutes harassment. She should also keep a record of all communications/incidents. Depending on how abusive the tone of the texts/emails/behaviour are I would be tempted to think about going to the police, but probably talk to solicitor first. IMO if nothing else having a record that she's been forced to see police could only help if it came to court. Change locks on property. Block him from home phone number. Put mobile on silent. Have one email address he can write to and check it twice a week.

He cannot behave this way, he cannot just do as he wishes and threaten her if she does not bow down and agree, age makes no difference to this.

EagleRiderDirk Sun 19-May-13 08:57:02

calming this is the thing that bothers her if he ever does take her to court for pr. It's his way or the highway. If they gave it to him she'd be stuck with his choices on education/religion/etc because he would decide against her to be awkward and refuse to agree to anything else. Whilst at the moment she is saying it has to be set times and days if he wants to see lo, she's still allowing him to choose those days by way of giving him decision in it. Truth be told, he's not interested in either of them unless he can control every element of the situation. Its very sad for lo.

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