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Separation, advice needed please.

(5 Posts)
mumof2beautifulgirls84 Tue 14-May-13 09:23:13

Me and my husband have not been getting on for a long time and have decided to go our separate ways, he works full time and is the one that brings in the money, he obviously can't pay my rent, council tax and bills when he moves out as he will have his own to pay.
Anyway he's waiting til pay day so he has money to pay a deposit and all that on a flat, what do I do? I don't work what benefits will I be entitled to? And do I wait until he's actually moved out before I inform anyone? Plus who do I ring?
My heads all over the place at the minute and have no idea what to do!.

niceguy2 Tue 14-May-13 09:42:24


Firstly I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your DH. The first thing I'd say is are you both 100% sure that splitting up is the right decision? Sometimes people split up because of something they don't like about their partner thinking that they will be better off and find out that actually they're not. So for example if you think your DH isn't hands on enough then just wait til he's no longer your DH. He's likely to be even less hands on.

Assuming you are then you need to start off by working out a financial plan. Go to the Entitledto website and this will give you a good idea for starters. Add on top of that maintenance he should be giving you. It is roughly 15% for one child, 20% for two. But then factor in the time he will want to have the kid(s) overnight. So less 1/7 for each night he has the kid. This will give you a rough idea to get you started.

What I'd also advise is try not to rely upon your DH's maintenance to pay the essential bills. If you do that then you will be handing him a big control lever. And whilst you may be trying to be amicable for the kids sake. Unfortunately often that is unrealistic. Especially once divorce proceedings and new partners come onto the scene. You will also know better than any of us what the chances of getting regular payments from your DH will be. Don't assume he will simply pony up like clockwork.

Once you've got an idea of where you stand financially then you need to also think about your support circle. Who is going to help you practically? Depending on finances and the age of your child(ren) you may need to start looking for work. So in which case who can look after the kids whilst you are at work, interviews/training/whatever. Who is going to be your shoulder to cry on, person to rant to? And who can babysit for you when you want a night out, future date etc.

The next few months will be very tough. But it is perfectly possible and plenty of us have managed well and gone on to have happy lives. Good luck.

mumof2beautifulgirls84 Tue 14-May-13 09:52:50

It is definitely the right decision we argue on a daily basis and he's often punched holes in my doors and thrown things, I don't love him any more and non of its fair on our children, I'd rather be financially unstable for a little while than live like this.
My youngest is only 8 months old although I'd love to get a job I've got to be realistic that I probably won't find a suitable job that quick I know it's gonna take time so in the mean time what am I entitled to?.

niceguy2 Tue 14-May-13 12:03:06


Go have a look at the website I linked up above and enter your figures. Noone here can tell you with any real certainty because noone knows your actual circumstances.

Given your youngest is only 8 months then you will not have to look for a job until he/she is of school age. So in essence you will probably be entitled to:

- Income support
- Child Tax credit
- Child benefit
- Council Tax benefit
- Housing benefit (depending your circumstances)
- Maintenance from DH (if you are lucky)

If your DH is the type of guy you are describing then it may well be worth allowing for the fact he may be awkward about paying maintenance. Technically you can go via the CSA but in practice that's full of pitfalls too.

mumof2beautifulgirls84 Tue 14-May-13 21:28:53

Thank you

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