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Got lots of questions about those with small babies

(5 Posts)
Twattybollocks Mon 13-May-13 06:13:01

Have ds8, dd almost 7 and dd2 3 months. I have asked h for a divorce after finding out last weekend that he has been up to no good on the Internet and with a work colleague (says it was only sext not physical but I don't believe him, who would?) he has agreed to the divorce and will have a flat available from the end of this month.
Obv I am worried about impact on older kids, although they have been very pragmatic about it so far, dd is already designing her new bedroom at his house, ds has been quieter but ok. Dd2 I am more worried about as how on earth will she develop a normal relationship with him when he only sees her 4/5 times a week? The plan is for him to initially see her here, as I'm bf, and possibly take her out once a week with the older two, the rest of the time staying here whilst I get on with housework probably every day for an hour or two.
Those of you whose children were tiny when their father left, do they call him daddy? Is their relationship strong?
Also, for the older kids, he wants to see them as much as possible, so he will be having them for tea a couple of nights after school, one midweek night, and one full day/overnight at the weekends. Tbh with them being at school he will probably see more of them than I will! It does make sense to do this at the moment because with dd2 being so small, things are quite fraught in the evenings as she needs bath and bed at the same time as they need story and supervising to get themselves ready for bed, I did it last night with all of them having baths and hair washed/dried and it was bloody awful, dd2 cried for most of it as needing picking up but I was washing hair/drying hair so couldn't. Then cried through Most of the story so no one enjoyed it.
Please tell me it will get easier as I get more used to it, I felt like no 1 shit mum!

AndMiffyWentToSleep Mon 13-May-13 08:36:13

I remember your earlier thread. You're not a shit mum at ALL!

It sounds like he'll have lots of regular access so I wouldn't worry about their relationship (and if anyone is going to be doing any worrying about that, it should be him - if he hadn't done what he did, he wouldn't need to be arranging access!).

Hang in there - it WILL get easier.

Piemother Mon 13-May-13 17:38:38

Yep it got loads better. I am managing fine with 6 month dd2 and 3.6 dd1. The first few months were loud!!

chocoreturns Mon 13-May-13 18:47:59

It does get easier. Especially when you figure out systems that work for you.
Bathtime happens in quick succession at my house, around 5.30pm which is early, but frees up plenty of time for stories and cuddles and milk etc.

XH left for OW when I was pg and DS1 was 17mo. DS2 is now 10mo and DS is nearly 3. DS1 loves his daddy and I encourage that as much as I can, it's harder with DS2 but their dad only sees them 4 days a month and only 9-5, spread out over e.o.w. What you have suggested as access will be far more frequent.

I would suggest you put a time limit on access at your house though. I allowed that when DS2 was newborn and it was hell, we are all much happier now that he doesn't cross the threshold.

Be strong. And remember, when it gets hard - a year from now, you'll be glad you started today!!

Twattybollocks Mon 13-May-13 19:23:43

Yeah I was thinking the access at my house could end up sort of open ended. If I keep it to an hour or so in the morning, that's when we are both at our sunny best.

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