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do you change your routines to fit the ex?

(8 Posts)
IneedAyoniNickname Sat 11-May-13 11:18:40

Ex is actually having the dc overnight for once (having been promising them he would for the last 5 weeks) He's 'meant' to pick them up midmorning , but isn't coming until 3. (When I say 'meant' I mean what we have agreed, not court ordered)

Anyway, he has asked me to give them a cooked dinner at lunchtime, as that's what they (him, gf and her dc) do, and there will be lunch as an evening meal.

I don't normally eat a hot meal at lunchtime. Now obviously I will cook for them, as they might not get a cooked meal if I don't, but I wondered what others did? Obviously I dont think they should have to change their routine to suit my dc, but then why should I change mine to suit hers? It's only since he met her that he has eaten his hot meal at lunchtime, previously he thought that was weird!

NumTumDeDum Sat 11-May-13 11:32:05

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Reasonable requests are generally accommodated. It depends if you are worried about setting a precedent.

Fleecyslippers Sat 11-May-13 11:32:30

No. My ex is a controlling arse though so I no longer bend to any of his demands with regards changing the kids routines with regards mealtimes, bedtimes to suit him and OW. He doesn't have overnight cintact though so when he drops the kids off I have the opportunity to make sure they have enough to eat before bed.
If yours doesn't have many overnights I eould just let him get on with it. Am assuming he's not mean enough to send them to bed hungry ? The odd day without a hot meal isn't a huge issue but bowing to the demands of an NRP could be the start of a whole load of trouble.

IneedAyoniNickname Sat 11-May-13 11:46:20

Thanks, he might send them to bed hungry, its hard to know with him! I've told him I'll cook this time (actually suits me as I've got no lunch stuff in) but that is rather not have to, and won't always.

FreddieMisaGREATshag Sat 11-May-13 11:47:21

Yes I do. Sometimes it doesn't bother me, sometimes it pisses me right off. Depends on why he's asking and how much he has pissed me off generally at the time.

SwishSwoshSwoosh Sat 11-May-13 11:54:42

No, he is being intrusive doing that. I would probably respond to say 'I will feed as well as always thanks' but make sure they eat plenty.

If you are worried he would let them go to bed hungry, not sure he should be having them overnight - pretty basic level of care providing enough food!

SPsCliffingAllOverMN Sat 11-May-13 11:57:05

Sometimes I do but he helps me too.

We dont get on at all but help each other out. Like today I'm staying at a mates and he usually pics him up at 6pm. As I need to go on a bus ride that lasts an hour I have asked if I can drop him in to his mums on my way at 3ish. He has agreed. I help him out too.

Piemother Sat 11-May-13 16:16:52

Again, reasonable requests. If he messes you about constantly its not on but it's a bit of give and take really.

Exh returned the dc early to me recently because he had to do a task he thought he couldn't manage with dc in tow. I let him off once but the next time he was in for a lecture because I have to manage alone. The next time this task came up he managed alone. He didn't choose the easiest or most logical method (doing it the day before when they were in nursery!) but you have to pick your battles wink

I will give and take and sometimes exh is quite helpful BUT I am not his skivvy and I say no to some things on principle.

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