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just need a vent today

(12 Posts)
chocoreturns Fri 10-May-13 22:49:23

I've just put my two to bed. The baby is teething, he's screaming non stop when he is awake as his front teeth are cutting. Just before bed, for the third time today, he's done a poo that has exploded up his back, down his legs and onto the carpet. Prior to that, I had to feed him his dinner, while helping my 2yo to do a poo on the potty, then feed my 2yo while sorting out the exploding nappy. It would be comical if it weren't so draining in real life to constantly be feeling like I'm just fighting to get everything done.

I'm also starting a business right now, because I have no other way to get an income in my rural location around the children's needs. Their dad only has them 4 days a month, 9-5. He has never looked after them overnight together, let alone for more than 2 days in a row. He is EA and it's not possible to ask him for help. The one time I did, after a fortnight of them being ill and him not once asking after them, he sent a barrage of abuse about me taking the piss and dumping the kids on him when it 'suits me'.

I've come home today into a house with toys everywhere. There are poo filled nappies in the bins in almost every room because I don't have enough hands to sort them as they happen, then run around sorting out every room and tidying as I go. Both kids are mobile and can't be left unsupervised, the baby can barely be put down for 5 minutes without screaming right now. None of us sleep through the night. I have an evening of cleaning, disinfecting, tidying and putting away laundry ahead of me. When that is done, I'll have to get on with the work the business needs me to take care of.

For once, I wish I could be part of a team. Come home to a house that isn't a total mess. Have someone offer to make me tea, never mind dinner. Know that I don't have to get up 3-5 time tonight and then cope at 6am when our new day starts again. Share some of the load with someone who gives a shit.

It's not always this awful but my god when it is I just feel exhausted by the thought of another day of this to come.

... it's taken me three hours to post this message due to no let up. Kids finally asleep.

Please tell me I'm not the only one?

x

sandiy Sat 11-May-13 09:15:08

I'm sorry it's crap literally,When my 3were tiny it was just like that too and I was nt a lone parent.If you were still with ex would he have mucked in and helped or complained about the smell and demanded his dinner.Can you get a home start volunteer google it sometimes it helps or contact your local college and find out if they need to place any nursery nurse students a friend of mine a few years ago had a really good one for months on and off. It will get better my mantra was nothing lasts longer than 2 weeks and it's true.Give your self a break don t be super mum pop some rubbish on the telly embrace the chaos for a couple of days xx

sandiy Sat 11-May-13 09:17:54

This might make you chuckle .... At least you hav nt resorted to throwing the nappies out of the window yet which a very well to do friend of mine was prone to doing when it all got too much.You could literally assess her mental state by the contents of her front lawn

Fleecyslippers Sat 11-May-13 11:19:59

I recommend lobbing nappies straight out the window. Really cuts down on the general feeling of swimming in poo. My postman had a near miss once wink

The relentless grind is hard. It would be great to have somebody else do the cooking just once. I've got in the habit of bulk cooming and freezing food so that on really tough days I don't have to make any effort.

Its little comfort though.but theses days won't last forever. Dd can make me a cuppa now and its amazing how nice it feels !

Piemother Sat 11-May-13 11:29:38

Ha ha at throwing the nappies from the window. Be a few raised eyebrows in my street if I did that!

Virtual hugs and coffee and cake. Where are you op?

I have had weeks like this and since dd2 has no teeth yet there are a few more due.

When I am struggling the bin bags go outside the back door - at least then the nappies don't stink in the house. Also get some tea tree (or any essential oil probably) and sprinkle it on the dirty nappies - stops them stinking so much grin
I am finding fly lady really helpful for getting on top of things too.
Hang in there x

chocoreturns Sat 11-May-13 20:37:44

hahaha thank you all for cheering me up smile I don't think I'll be lobbing many nappies out of my windows, but it's just a relief to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've made some headway today and now have a clean kitchen, and have emptied the bins thank god but we're still in exploding nappy territory. Up to his neck in it today at soft play. That was fun, trying to watch my toddler while stripping off DS2 and using an entire pack of wipes to contain the poo - thank god for packing an emergency babygro.

I've had a lovely single mummy friend over today with her boy which has really helped too. I feel much less like I want to burst into tears at the slightest provocation.

I do still feel insanely stabby and furious narked off about their useless shit of a father. And compelled tempted to share how utterly selfish and frankly pointless he is as a parent. But stabby thoughts won't help me get through the night.

Any tips on dealing with the absolute rage? Short of posting an actual shitty nappy to him and OW? grin

ThoughtsPlease Sat 11-May-13 21:29:59

The best advice I have for exploding nappies, is keep a constant eye out for them, always have it in your mind to check/smell for poo constantly, they need to be caught straight away to prevent leakage! Does your baby poo at similar times each day? It may seem like something else to constantly think about, but it really can save the much bigger and time consuming issue of poo everywhere!

chocoreturns Sat 11-May-13 21:41:24

I literally caught it as it happened at soft play. He was in a highchair having a sarnie. Saw the look on his face and heard the wind pass... legged it to the babychange and OMG I don't know how it made it's way through literally everything he was wearing in the space of 4.5 metres.

sigh

do you think it's the teething?

Piemother Sat 11-May-13 22:49:01

Never ever go anywhere with spare clothes and at least half full wipes. And nappy bags for the Ming clothes grin
As for the rage......I dunno really but I try to be a bit smug about things. Exh can spend all the money in the works and be super disney Dad but I'm the only one really parenting. He has never stayed up all night with a sick child and then been out all day with the kids because we had commuted to something. It had to go to work on no sleep and all those other tasks that as a lone parent there is no way out of.
I know I can say to my adult children one day that I wasn't perfect but I was always, always, always there. These twits have already given up that honour hmm

ThoughtsPlease Sun 12-May-13 15:15:54

Yes it could well be the teething, I have always used a larger size nappy than the weight guidelines for the sizes, and made sure that I pull it right up at the back and the leg cuffs to give maximum coverage! My DS only weighs 18lbs but wears size 5 pampers so they cover a large area!

PurpleThing Sun 12-May-13 15:31:22

With nappies I throw them all towards the kitchen bin, which blissfully is in a big cupboard so it keeps the smell contained. So if in the sitting room or bathroom, throw at the doorway. Then next time I go through the door I will remember to pick it up. My mum was staying and I thought I was just throwing the nappies at her I was tempted. I also use cloth nappies so you can just put the washing machine on when you get a really bad one, very therapeutic. Sunlight, even through the window, is good on the stains.

And yes it would be great to be part of a team. But the longer you do this alone, the more you cope with, so the next challenging scene arrives and you can think to yourself, "Well I managed with XYZ so I can manage with this."

SnoopyLovesYou Sun 12-May-13 15:39:22

........Someone to make me a cup of tea or dinner..........
[Stares dreamily out the window]

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