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Maintainance advice

(7 Posts)
Fizzerly17 Fri 10-May-13 09:15:37

Hi guys
I need some advice because I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place.

My ex left last November. We agreed on maintainance when he left which was above what the CSa would recommend. He was fine with this agreement up until he got a new gf.
He is supposed to have our child Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday day and night, whilst I work. However he never does, his mother has our child while he stays with his gf in a different town.

Now he's decided that he can't pay the maintainance we agreed on, so we lowered it to what the CSa would suggest he paid. However he never actually has our child. It's a case of he has him when he can be bothered. I don't want to fall out with him over it or stop him seeing his son, not because of him but I would not punish his mother for his choices as she adores our child and it would hurt her if she didn't see her grandchild. But I think it's unfair of him to pay minimum maintance when he's not the one looking after our son.

It concerns me that he's not accepting his responsibility as a father and is basically taking the mick.

Do u think its worth contacting the CSa or shall I just accept that he's not particularly bothered about his son or paying the correct amount to support his son. Baring in mind I work as much as I can to support our child, so he doesn't do without. While he swans around like its nothing.

Any advice is welcome but please bare in mind this is something that worrys me, and I'm actually losing sleep over it as I sit up worrying about the fact that he puts his new life ahead of his son.
Thank you. X

BenjaminButton172 Fri 10-May-13 09:21:14

Phone the csa. Thats all u can do.

If his mum looks after ur child properly & enjoys it i wouldnt stop the contact with her.

PurpleThing Fri 10-May-13 09:31:14

It is upsetting to realise your dc is not your ex's number one priority. You can only be the best parent you can, as there is not much you can do about how ex behaves. Unfair I know.

Agree that having a close relationship with grandmother is a good thing for the child. You have to look at it from dc's point of view, especially if his dad isn't bothered it will help him to know other people value spending time with him.

wheredidiputit Fri 10-May-13 10:25:51

Whether you go to the CSA or not it doesn't have to effect you dc relationship his grandmother.

I would use the CSA as then you know what, when you are being paid and it is no longer a stick for your ex to beat you with or control you.

RedHelenB Fri 10-May-13 13:28:02

No point going to the CSA if he pays the minimum they expect. His time - up to him who looks after the child.

needaholidaynow Fri 10-May-13 14:03:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fizzerly17 Fri 10-May-13 16:42:24

Thank you for all replys. I appreciate the advice I think I will contact them as he is basing his maintainance on the amount of nights he has our child but since he doesn't ill get some advice from them xx

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