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ear piercing - would you be annoyed?

(11 Posts)
NicknameTaken Tue 07-May-13 14:48:33

My ex got dd(5)'s ears pierced at the weekend, without my knowledge or consent. I'm the residential parent.

Would you make an issue out of it?

Freddiemisagreatshag Tue 07-May-13 14:49:50

Does he have parental responsibility?

tabulahrasa Tue 07-May-13 14:51:50

I've no idea about legally, but I'd think that putting holes in your children is something both parents should get a say in. So yes, I'd make a fuss.

As DD is 5, and you are the residential parent, you are the one who will have to take care of the piercing, so yes I would say it is an issue.

If you take them out they will heal completely btw. Where we live 99% of the little girls have their ears pierced, and I decided to let her have them done at age 6, as I felt forcing her to be different against her will and because of my tastes was not really right. She took them out after the minimum 6 weeks to put new ones in, wimped out about having the new ones pushed through, so ended up without ear rings, and thy healed over very quickly despite having been in 6 weeks. They were done 9 months ago, and you can't see at all now that they were ever pierced.

stealthsquiggle Tue 07-May-13 14:57:41

If you hadn't discussed it, yes I would make an issue. No question.

*her being my DD grin

BenjaminButton172 Tue 07-May-13 15:04:24

Did ur dd want them pierced? Is she able to look after them herself?

If those answers are yes i would leave them in.

My dd (9) has only jus gotten hers done because i wanted her to decide if she wanted them done or not and i wanted her to be able to be responsible for them.

NicknameTaken Tue 07-May-13 15:54:34

I don't know if DD wanted them - it had never come up in conversation with me. She may have been saying it to her dad. He has parental responsibility.

Not sure if she'll be able to look after them - he's sending me the lotion to clean her ears with.

If I or she took them out, it's entirely possible he'd do it again.

It was done in a hair salon - not sure what the situation is with training/hygiene.

It's not so much the piercing I have a problem with, more the lack of any consultation. We're in ongoing legal action because he wants joint residence and a 50/50 split of her time (I'm refusing because (a) he's abusive (b) he lives in a one-bed flat and (c) he has a foreign passport and I don't trust him not to disappear). It's part of a larger testing of the boundaries. At least I think so - who knows, perhaps he didn't even give it that much thought.

I don't want to turn it into a power struggle for dd's sake.

BenjaminButton172 Tue 07-May-13 21:48:18

I think u should ask ur dd if she wanted them done. If she didnt & he just went ahead & did them then i think he is an arse & probably did it to annoy you.

I got mine pierced in a hairdressers & back then (nearly 20 yrs ago) they were trained & very hygenic.

I can understand that u are annoyed about the non consultation but there is nothing u can do im afraid.

NicknameTaken Wed 08-May-13 09:19:55

Thanks for the feedback. DD said she wanted them done, and she was very conscientious about showing me how to apply the drops to them yesterday (although we both forgot this morning). I'd told my ex he should have consulted me, but now I'm going to let it go.

If he is trying to get a rise out of me, it's better if I don't rise to it. And I don't want DD to feel she's been the cause of a drama.

BenjaminButton172 Wed 08-May-13 13:14:00

If she wanted them done then he did nothing wrong imo. Your dd showed that she was ready by being able to repeat the instructions of how to look after them.

It would annoy me not being consulted but he has parental rights so he doesnt have to ask you. Just like you dont have to ask him.

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