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so little money....wwyd>

(13 Posts)
myviolinandi Tue 07-May-13 08:52:23

I'm a lone parent and have been since my 2yo DS was born thanks to my exp leaving me for OW when i was 5 months pregnant, what a guy

anyway, i work part time in a job that is by no means minimum wage, but I have to commute so have high travel costs. I rent which is ridiculously expensive and the rest of my income is sucked up by childcare. At the end of the month, my income is just about the same as my outgoings sad

Unfortunately due to shift patterns and childcare I feel trapped as I cannot progress in my career as I cannot be flexible, and a great deal of flexibility is needed in order to progress. very frustrating but I live in hope that when DS starts school (I'll be 29) things will change and I can focus on my career

anyway..to the point, there are a few things wrong with my car at the moment which need repaired asap. My amazing BIL called me the other day and announced that he is arranging an appointment for my local garage to have a look at it and he will be covering the costs shock i realise this may sound like a first world problem but i was a bit sad and humiliated

sad that I am really struggling financially, that I have to wait to payday to get it looked at and even then i cant really afford it (does anyone else live like this or is it just me?) which of course then makes me feel like a total failure yada yada, and embarrassed that he feels sorry for me or feels like it is his job to do that when it really, really isnt, its my problem!

anyway I thanked him for the kind offer, said I appreciate the thought but I cannot accept as its too much and I will get it fixed myself when I can. Not that it makes any difference but he does earn a LOT of money, spectacular amounts, actually. So, am I being silly for refusing the offer? if you were in my position..wwyd?

corlan Tue 07-May-13 09:29:45

I think if your BIL made the offer in a spirit of kindness and generosity then you should accept the offer.

As the great sage Ronan Keating once said 'Life is a roller coaster'. You won't always be strapped for cash, and when you are in a position to help others, I'm sure you will.

myviolinandi Tue 07-May-13 09:58:57

gah, i think you might be right. I just feel as though I cant bring myself to say yes and accept. Perhaps thats admitting defeat, but maybe I just need to swallow my pride as there is nothing I can cut down on, or save as i really just pay all the bills, put petrol in the car, buy enough food and there is nothing left so nothing will change overnight. I'll be saving for ages for a bed for DS as he's getting too big for the cot, cant see myself having the money for it anytime soon its ridiculous!

cestlavielife Tue 07-May-13 11:50:17

forgoodness sake take up his offer !! you need your car fixed and safe . so say yes and thank you...one day you will be able to repay teh favour.

it would be totally daft to say no.

ok ???!!!

PurpleThing Tue 07-May-13 17:50:02

Think of it like a really expensive birthday present. Accept for your ds' sake. One day they or someone else may be in need of your time or support.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Tue 07-May-13 17:56:41

If the positions were switched, would you want to see them struggling?? We need to do things like this in life, then we can payback the kindnesses with interest.

Things won't always be like this.

NatashaBee Tue 07-May-13 18:04:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerrenaHarridan Tue 07-May-13 19:41:15

Call him up right now and apologise for refusing his offer, tell him the truth that you were embarrassed he didn't think you were coping but actually you would really appreciate the help if the offer is still open.

Tbh he is probably embarrassed that by his brother and trying to make it up to his family!

BabiesAreLikeBuses Tue 07-May-13 23:03:44

If it wasn't a financial offer you wouldn't think twice about this, but we all worry when money involved... He wouldn't offer if he didn't mean it, it sounds like it's important to get the car fixed... Take it in the spirit it was made in... And yes there are lots of us out here living month to month and waiting for an amazing promotion or lottery win!

myviolinandi Wed 08-May-13 08:04:40

Thanks to everyone for replying! really aprreciate it

He is lovely bee, always so kind and helpful. Much lovelier than his tool of a brother who he openly admits is an asshole smile you're right herren, I think he's mortifified by exp behaviour previous and continual dickish behaviour

So it's unanimous. I think that's what I really needed to hear, and now feel less bad about it so I've accepted and it's going in to get fixed tomorrow grin what a relief!

ballstoit Wed 08-May-13 08:09:16

Well done for accepting help grin

My family help me out in hundreds of ways. As my mum says, my dc bring them all a lot of pleasure because I'm doing my best in a tough situation. If they can lighten the load, then we all benefit.

HerrenaHarridan Wed 08-May-13 19:10:19

Well done!

Don't see it as swallowing your pride, family help each other if they can.

Before i accept help I ask myself, would I do the same for this person if I could and they needed it.

There is no shame in helping each other out smile

ladyjadey Wed 08-May-13 22:58:25

I have been where you are. It is damn tough. But it does get easier as they get older and it can get better, I promise. I have had to accept help from family that made me feel awful at the time, but they love me and care and I have actually had the opportunity to repay them when they have needed help in other ways. Everyone has something to give, if not now then later and I truly believe the good stuff goes around. Be proud that you work, try, and bring up your child but don't be too proud to take a bit of help sometimes!

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