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How much contact

(6 Posts)
Toni2710 Mon 06-May-13 09:21:03

Ds is 18months old. I have recently split with ex. Things have been reasonably amicable thus far.
Ex has moved out and is staying with friends. He doesn't seem to have any intention of finding his own property any time soon. He is self employed but probably only earns around £6k a year. I don't ask for any contribution toward ds.
Ex has ds 2.5 days through the week from 9-5 when im at work, and I had suggested he also has ds through the day either sat or sun.
I'm not happy with ds staying with ex overnight as ex's friends house. When he ges his own place I have said ds can stay with him 2 nights per week until he's older and well reassess.
I think this is reasonable. Ex doesn't. And also doesn't see why I don't want ds staying at his friends. Ds is still bf and cosleeps (although trying to gently break both habits at the moment).

So anyway, after that essay. How much contact does your ex have with lo and am I being unfair?


DaddyAndDaughterTime Mon 06-May-13 17:20:46

I have 3-4 hours twice a week with mum there due to separation anxiety with 11 m/o.
Your ex sounds very lucky. If your son is happy to sleep without co-sleeping, then let him go to the friends maybe once a week for an overnight, maybe not more as it doesn't sound like he'd have his own bedroom so on. but if he isn't happy then you are being perfectly reasonable.

Fluffypinkcoat Mon 06-May-13 17:29:36

I don't think you are being unfair and wouldn't want my dc staying at a friend of my ex's either. He won't have any control over any child proofing to the house and also no control over who comes round to the house when your child is there. I'd keep contact up but no overnights until he has his own place.

Piemother Mon 06-May-13 17:57:31

I think you contact schedule is generous and fair. You are not bring unreasonable about postponing overnights until he has better accommodation. It ought to be his motivation to get his own place.

balia Mon 06-May-13 19:47:24

Earning so little - is he going to be able to get his own place? I'm just thinking that refusing overnights if he is just dossing on someone's sofa for a couple of weeks is one thing, but if it is likely to become a semi-permanent arrangement, it wouldn't be good for DS not to have quality time with his Dad. Where does he have DS when he has him during the day?

Toni2710 Mon 06-May-13 20:41:52

At the moment he has him at my house/takes him out and about and uses here as a base.
Apparently he's been to see a flat today and will be moving there in June(though how long he'll afford it is another matter). So if that goes ahead I'm happy for say a wed overnight and an overnight at the weekend, with him also having 3 1/2 days. He still thinks I'm not being fair hmm says he's going to speak to a solicitor this week. I'm fairly sure they'll tell him I'm being reasonable.

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