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did you lose friends and family when you separated from xh?

(13 Posts)
littleballerina Sun 05-May-13 19:55:07

sorry maybe wrong topic but .......how did you cope?
especially if it wasn't one or two.

Piemother Sun 05-May-13 20:28:58

All of exh family and friends but Christ he can keep them! To be fair I was find of his family but they didn't support me much either with him or with practical stuff. His friends are a bunch of misogynistic, bigoted, bitter old men. I am so so glad I don't have to see them anymore grin

littleballerina Sun 05-May-13 20:41:51

what about your side?

my mother and sisters.
my friends.

not all obviously but seemingly the closer you are the less i see of them now.

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 06-May-13 00:14:30

Hi Littleballerina

I have just started a similar post. I lost contact with my mum, sister and some of my friends too around the same time as separating from ex

littleballerina Mon 06-May-13 12:16:03

did they get over it?
did you/they try to build bridges?

it's so upsetting when you need them the most.

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 06-May-13 15:22:36

I finally realised that they weren't worth it. You know who your real family & friends are at these times! It's been really hard but have different support networks now and don't look to family for support. I stay well away from the unsupportive friends too. Like I say though, it has NOT been easy.

littleballerina Mon 06-May-13 15:44:15

Thanks Snoopy.

I don't want those bad relationships to taint the good ones iyswim?

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 06-May-13 21:01:51

What do you mean?

littleballerina Tue 07-May-13 10:49:08

i don't want to continue being so sad or angry about the people that have 'dumped' me that i forget about how lovely the people that have supported me have been.

SnoopyLovesYou Tue 07-May-13 11:50:10

That's right.
You get some people (a rare minority usually!) who step right up to the mark and help you along.
I find that I spend much more time with single people and that most of my friends are single parents now too. The 3 people that I spent ALL my time with 2 years ago are out of my life now completely and in their place are completely different and much more positive relationships. (Apart from my children of course who I have been living with all along.) I spend a lot of time on my own but this suits me well and when I do choose to spend time with other people, I am rewarded with warmth, connectedness, great advice, fun times and the beginnings of some new (and some revamped) friendships. Don't let the assholes get you down and don't spend time thinking about them. They're not supportive and you don't need them in your life in good or bad times.

littleballerina Tue 07-May-13 13:06:37

thanks snoopy.

devilcakes Sun 12-May-13 09:08:26

Out of all "our" friends a few will talk to me, but not regularly.

His mother still talks to me but only cos we have dc together.

My two closest friends that were just my friends are still here but are busy so i don't get to see them as much as id like.

All my family don't like ex and have been my rock through the last 9 months.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 12-May-13 09:19:42

There is hope though, I thought I had lost all my friends that had known us mostly as a couple ( ie they knew him first but I met them independently of him. )

After a while of being separated one particular one caught wins of the nasty things he was saying about me and called me up to meet up.

We've met up a few times and although I am quite tentative in reforming bonds it dies appear that it's more down to uncomfortableness than anything else.

To summarise if you are particularly interested in any of these friends get it touch (don't talk about your ex) and see where it goes.

If they just want the gossip move on (bitter!)

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