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Contact advice needed

(22 Posts)
oscarthegrouch Sun 05-May-13 08:41:31

My dp has been separated from his ex for 2 years and to begin with had access to their 3 yo ds every weekend. 7 months ago she stopped him having any contact and when he tried to talk to her she had a restraining order put on him for harassment (he went to her work to talk as she wouldn't answer phone). My ds is just devastated and every weekend he sits and sobs his heart out over it. I have told him he needs to see a solicitor but he says he can't afford it. What can he do? She can't legally keep him from his son and more importantly his son from his dad surely?

I feel helpless because I can't help him, I can see him spiralling into depression

RooneyMara Sun 05-May-13 08:45:30

It's quite hard to get an order put in place for harassment afaik. Is that all he did?

In the meantime yes he does need a solicitor if he wants to be involved with his child. I think that's probably the only way.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 05-May-13 09:25:02

He can start by accessing family mediation, if that fails then court is the only option.

You don't necessarily need a solicitor for court, you can represent yourself.

The negotiations through family mediation will be considered by court.

Google family mediation and your postcode. He needs to call them and they will contact her on his behalf (this will not breach his restraining order)

Good luck

Fleecyslippers Sun 05-May-13 09:36:31

What does he think is going to happen if he doesn't start the process ? He has an NMO and despite what he may tell you, they aren't issued on a whim.
If he wants to see his child then he needs to take action and consider the cost later. If he needs to go through the courts to prove that he is a good and safe father then thats what he'll have to do.
Mediation is probably not an option if he has form for harrassement.

kittycat68 Sun 05-May-13 10:00:40

Agree here you dont get a restraining order just for turning up at her work to talk!!! clearly theres more thats gone on here.

If he wants to see his child as much as you say why has he not applyed to the courts? He does not need a solicitor he can download the apllication forms himself and apply.

oscarthegrouch Sun 05-May-13 10:42:21

I've seen the police reports. It went on for a couple months that he went to her work to ask to see ds. She filed a complaint saying he was harrassing her. There was an incident with her dad which was previous to her stopping contact by couple months where they had a fight but nothing was done about that at the time and it was the dad who attacked dp.

freddiemisagreatshag Sun 05-May-13 10:43:48

Hold on. For a COUPLE OF MONTHS he went to her work? Not just once? Or twice? How many times did he go? And how did he think it was reasonable to go to her work?

He needs to get this to a solicitor and/or into court asap.

oscarthegrouch Sun 05-May-13 10:51:43

Three or four times over a couple of months. She wouldn't answer phone calls etc. the contact stopped out of the blue with no reason given. After the initial restraining order was issued her mum saw him and said they wanted him back in his sons life and they rang the police on him and got him lifted for breaching the restraining order. I am not saying he's innocent in all this the issue is his separation from his child

freddiemisagreatshag Sun 05-May-13 10:53:30

I think this man is feeding you a line and putting his spin on it. Smells like a load of minimising fairy story to me.

I'd leave him to it. Actually, I'd leave him, because in a few years you'll be the psycho ex.

Shinigami Sun 05-May-13 12:03:38

I think Freddiemisagreatshag is quite right. Very worrying behavior with the stalking. :s

flippinada Sun 05-May-13 12:08:32

I would agree that you do not get an NMO for just turning up at someone's work two or three times for a month. They are not easy to come by.

I suspect there's more to this which your aren't being told.

oscarthegrouch Tue 07-May-13 14:35:48

Thanks for your replies. You could all be right. I saw another side to him last night. He kicked me, spat on me then said he was gonna smash my face in. We have split up I'm devastated but cannot live with that

Freddiemisagreatshag Tue 07-May-13 14:37:14

Please phone the police and report him.

Freddiemisagreatshag Tue 07-May-13 14:37:43

Are you safe? Is your house secure?

oscarthegrouch Tue 07-May-13 14:56:14

I'm safe it happened at his mums and her and his stepdad were there. I've had to take day off work am so upset I can't stop crying

Freddiemisagreatshag Tue 07-May-13 14:57:20

Please please phone Women's Aid and the police.

cestlavielife Tue 07-May-13 15:14:37

please report him.

Fleecyslippers Tue 07-May-13 16:06:42

For your sake and that of his child you NEED to report him.

flippinada Tue 07-May-13 16:12:44

God you poor thing, how horrible. Glad you're safe.

Once you've recovered from the shock, I agree with others you should report him.

flippinada Tue 07-May-13 16:14:22

Report to police and speak to women's aid for some support, I mean to say.

PaperLantern Tue 07-May-13 19:39:54

Please report it

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 07-May-13 19:54:37

Op if you report it you will be doing the child a huge service.

Its rather likely that his and his ex's relationship followed the same way because you do not get a NMO just for turning up to talk seriously you don't. They can be very hard to get.

A some stage if he does take the ex to court with a history of violence and a current situation of domestic abuse ( because threatening you kicking you and spitting on you is abuse) it will help.

If this was your child would you want him around a person who behaves like that.

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