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family functions when you are divorced

(5 Posts)
lizzie479 Sat 04-May-13 17:02:18

Just went to a family function where there were dad there with new partners/ex husbands/ex wives etc. It all felt very awkward and I don't know if this is because I am suddenly concious that this will affect me now as my childrens dad and me have been split up for six months now. My question is do I really have to go along to future events and pretend to like it for the sake of my kids? I suppose I probably know the answer is yes but I was hoping for just their weddings and the occasional birthday. This particular family although divorced seem to get together for everything and I know they hate each other really. Is this really best for the kids? Surely if everything is so great 'we are all best chums etc' it's confusing as why did they split up in the first place? Why do these divorced people have to pretend like they are on an episode of friends, its all so false. Is this really teaching our children the best way to handle things? Are fixed smiles and buried feelings really always for the best? I'm not saying we should ever badmouth our exes, I only speak positively about my ex and his family in front of the kids and will always keep my personal feelings about him to myself for their sakes but I am skeptical of being dragged along to every family occasion god sends and inviting him to every birthday/xmas/grand opening ceremony/bar name it! I divorced him which means I want to see his ugly mug as little as possible (without it making the kids life harder). I suppose I hope it gets easier with time....But should we not have more boundaries ?

lizzie479 Sat 04-May-13 17:03:03

I meant to say where there were dads there oops!

ladydeedy Sat 04-May-13 21:34:18

why do you think you get first dibs, and not him, on future family occasions? what if he said that about you?

2anddone Sun 05-May-13 18:57:15

I am recently a lone parent and have a couple of family gatherings this year (weddings, christenings 18th party etc) I will be taking dc alone to functions for my side of the family and dh will take them to his side of the family. For our dc birthdays, school functions etc we will go the 4 of us if dc want and I will bite my tongue and try not to call him the pathetic excuse of a man he is.

SnoopyLovesYou Mon 06-May-13 00:22:58

Lizzie I think this is an interesting topic and I think that you are right. It isn't good for the children to experience the tension. It's there and everyone is forcing themselves to pretend to be having a good time. When I do same with my ex on kids birthdays, he is passive aggressive and it's really damaging for me. I really don't want to see his face at all. Can't bear to look at him and enter into all his unpleasantness...

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