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i cant take this anymore

(15 Posts)
WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Tue 30-Apr-13 14:07:55

dcs stayed with EXp at the weekend (it was his weekend). agreement is that he collect ds1 from school at 1.45 and then ds2 from our house. but her sent his mum for them on friday so i didn't even see him. he dropped them off sunday evening without DS1's uniform or the trainers he wears for PE. there was also a badge DS1 had been given by his teacher as a weekly award thing that he has to return to class. i have spare uniform so didn't need it back for yesterday but texted EXp yesterday asking him to bring the stuff back. he didn't reply. ds2 has PE tomorrow so i texted again today asking if he would bring the stuff back today as ds needed to return the badge and he has PE tomorrow. if i had more trainers here iw ouldn't have texted but i dont as somehow EXP has managed to collect all 3 pairs of his trainers at his house.

exp has replied that from now on i shouldn't be sending him to his dad's in his uniform and should change him before he goes. now ds doesn't even come into the house when his dad or nan collects his brother and it has never been an issue before. so i replied that if that was exp wanted then he should trun up for them himself ad ask me to change him or he could just do the decent thing and send the uniform home with him on sunday when he drops him off. (exp only has them EOW and never drops them at school so doesn't need uniform at his house)

he has replied saying that i'm being selfish not providing clothes for our dcs at his house. this has never been an issue before, they've always just gone with what they're wearing and he has clothes at his house for them. i dont ask for any of it back except for uniform because it's necessary for school. i told exp that i provide all teh clothes for them on teh days they are with me and he should provide them on the days they are with him (2 days a fortnight and isn't paying the full amount of CS- i've applied to CSA to sort this, that's why he's suddenly got a problem with everything)

so anyway he is refusing to return DS's uniform trainers and badge. i dont want all the trainers. just 1 pair at least (i bought one pair, my mum bought 1 pair ad EXP bought the other) and ds has PE tomorrow so needs them. he will also get in trouble if he doesn't bring the badge home. i've told EXP i want the stuff returned by 7pm this evening. he's refusing.

what do i do? i'm so sick of this. if i go to his house to get them he'll either not answer or there'll be a row and i dont want that. i'm so angry and i have no-one to watch the dcs so they'd be tehre to witness whatever happened.

PurpleThing Tue 30-Apr-13 20:41:22

Mediation? Get school to send the complaint letters to him? Sorry I don't know.

He sounds like a twat if he's letting his child get in trouble to spite you. It's not fair but in future I'd say he collects both dcs from your house after school and frisk them for anything you need beforehand.

queenofthepirates Tue 30-Apr-13 21:14:08

What an irresponsible twat. I think you have to go over and calmly ask for the kit back. You can't keep this up so I suggest kids don't go to his house in clothes they need later in the week. Also make it clear that future twatiness means visits start on Saturday morning so this doesn't happen again.

cjel Tue 30-Apr-13 21:24:26

Could you ask his mum if she has badge and trainersa as Dc will be in trouble at school if he doesn't take them and is getting upest?

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Tue 30-Apr-13 23:25:23

well he finally agreed to give them back but 'not because i'd asked, but because his son might need to wear it' hmm of course he did, that's why i was asking for it back!

he wouldn't go to mediation.

good suggestion to change the time of friday pick up so he's collecting them both from my house.

cjel Wed 01-May-13 09:15:09

Well done you. Glad ds won't be upset. good idea to try and sort pick up so you have control of what goes to his house. Its so draining when they are difficult isn't it. I just sit and cry sometimes it seems so hopeless.xx

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Wed 01-May-13 09:43:47

yes i was on the verge of tears most of yesterday. i can just see a long road ahead of this type of crap. best friend called and said he's probably just kicking back against me having gone to the CSA.

but yes i'm going to tell him to collect the dcs half an hour later and from my house.

cjel Wed 01-May-13 11:32:25

I used to wonder why people advised detaching and all contact through third party and when you have days like that you can see why?xx

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Wed 01-May-13 13:09:41

Yes there is definitley something in that. I think it may get to that stage with him tbh.

CheeseandPickledOnion Wed 01-May-13 13:18:09

I have to be honest that I don't agree with the fact that you don't provide clothes for them for the weekend. CS aside, it just seems ridiculous for the NRP to have to buy clothes that then only get worn every other week. Children grow so fast that I bet they never get much wear out of them, and they probably end up in the same thing every weekend.

I would change him out of his school uniform before pick up and send them with a bag of clothes which are to be returned.

Your ex is being an arse though about returning them. Not putting his DC first, just looking to point score.

iwantanafternoonnap Wed 01-May-13 14:48:00

Erm if he can't be bothered to return much needed school stuff then he isn't going to return clothes that op bought either meaning that the kids will soon have nothing to wear at op's house. Bringing up a child costs way more than the amount csa states so I really don't believe in providing anything but bare minimum for Nrp houses.

Plus it is not hard to take off school kit and put it in a bag now is it? He is just being a twat. Stick to your guns and document every time he is a total dick.

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Wed 01-May-13 14:50:23

You do have apoint cheese, however exp has never ever brought this up until yesterday. They have been staying with him over a year. At the very start i sent them each with a bag with plenty of clothes and underwear pjs etc and it was never sent back so i just assumed thAat exp had enough clithes there from all the times id sents stuff an it hadnt cone back. I never asked for any of it back and he never asked me to send more. There are still lots of their clothes there and shoes as i know what was sent the only reason i asked for uniform back was that ds needs it for school. After wht has happened i definitely wont be sending more clothes just for him to hold it to ransom. The dcs go every other weekend and he can afford clothes for them if theyve outgrown whats there. I provide everything for them. NO child support has come this month and i dont expect it will. Ive had to replace ds' schol shoes today as his fell apart last night so no i wont be losing more money to his house through clothes. I'll collect ds from school and change him but wont be sending extra.

freddiemisagreatshag Wed 01-May-13 14:53:09

It's control and he's kicking off because you've gone to the CSA. He's a twat.

{{hugs}}

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Wed 01-May-13 15:05:23

Thanks freddie smile

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 01-May-13 16:03:14

I have heard of this happening quite often and it's shit! I can't believe that a Dad would want to make things harder for his own kids!

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