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forever alone?

(39 Posts)
HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Tue 23-Apr-13 20:13:51

ExH and I have been separated a couple of months now I think, he's dating already and off meeting up with a woman he cheated on me with. He's quite clearly a worm, I know that.

But I feel like nobody is ever going to love me. He never did, not really and now I have a two year old and a load of stretchmarks in tow. I am finding it hard not to feel bitter, I have given up the best years of my life for him, moved to an area where I knew no one and now have about three friends who I hardly see anyway.

DD is with ExH tonight and I feel so lonely. I'm fighting the urge to go to the shop and buy a bottle of vino and some fags (haven't smoked in years). I just feel so shit and I don't have anyone to come round and talk to me.

Anyone want to join my pity party?

PurpleThing Sat 27-Apr-13 18:05:15

Ha it's funny how similar they all are. Stbxh also thinks I want to hear about his great new social life!

Keep a diary of these incidents, hopefully it is a one off but does no harm to have dates and times written down, just in case. Sadly I don't tell ds until his dad is at the door as it is so hard dealing with their disappointment plus dealing with changing your plans.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Sat 27-Apr-13 11:19:30

Not really atm snow as I'm so busy with work and uni. but only a couple of months and uni will be done for the summer, so will branch out a bit then.

I am lonely but I do prefer life now. It's not perfect but it is better, before we split I just felt lost and sad.

Snowrose1311 Sat 27-Apr-13 08:46:39

Hi OP,

I've been in a similar situation. On my own, with 2 DS, new to area / no friends, also no family support... I've been separated 2.5 yrs now & have slowly started to build up friends. Occasionally I feel lonely but on the whole do not want a new relationship atm.

From your posts it sounds like you'd feel a whole lot better if you had more friends. Can you take your DC to nursery / playgroup or anywhere else where you might meet & befriend other mums? Maybe playgrounds, church, soft play rooms, neighbours, kids clubs / activities etc. As you start to build a new life for yourself that is meaningful and enjoyable for YOU , then you'll start to feel better. I really like the life I've got now, it's better than I expected when I first separated from my ex H.

Good luck xx

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Fri 26-Apr-13 21:38:00

No, he's promised it won't happen again, and since this is the first time I will have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I was pissed off though for two reasons, one DD was poorley and I'd been saying "It's ok, Daddy will be here soon to take you to the DR" and so she was getting anxious waiting for him and two because I really needed to get to Uni. I ended up taking her to GPs myself and being VERY late for uni, he did apologise but then went on to tell me about how great his night was, as if I actually wanted to hear about the night that had made him let my DD down. I think if it happened again I would have to do something like you have done purple

PurpleThing Fri 26-Apr-13 21:12:23

Have you got a parenting / contact agreement? I put in that if he is more than 30 mins late with no phonecall, contact is off. You can't spend your day sitting about waiting for him. I have learnt the hard way to always have a backup plan on days he is supposed to have ds.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Fri 26-Apr-13 18:43:44

His exciting social life made him about three hours late to pick up DD today since he was hungover from the night before. hmm

Prickle whereabouts? Any good beer gardens near you? smile

KDKDKD Thu 25-Apr-13 22:41:36

"this to shall pass" - a little mantra i keep saying to myself when i feel down. My x walked out 6 months ago today, he was having an affair with an x girlfriend and thought that was a better option than his wife and 3 year old son. All i can say is that it will get better, you deserve so much more. One day you will look back on this and thank him for releasing you for something much better. Hugs xx In the meantime, pick up the phone and speak to a friend or family member, don't be sad by yourself as it will feel so much worse.

MissPricklePants Thu 25-Apr-13 22:36:12

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds I am in South Yorkshire too!!

Meglet Thu 25-Apr-13 18:58:58

I haven't been in a pub garden in years. That's a place where grown ups go to relax and drink alcohol isn't it <<hazy memories>>

DoingItForMyself Thu 25-Apr-13 18:26:03

I felt like you too Hungry, why would anyone want to be with a nearly 40 y/o mum of 3 with stretch marks and a mum tum? I was obviously unloveable for stbxh to treat me so badly, but guess what, I'm not unloveable!

I met someone (online, I know!) and, he is absolutely gorgeous, sensitive, loving and kind.... and he is besotted with little old me. Don't write yourself off. Its early days, you need to grieve for your old relationship, dust yourself down, make a few mistakes along the way and once you have your confidence back you can put yourself out there and meet new boyfriends, or just friends.

You will find it easier to meet friends once your little one is at school or nursery and you'll be surprised how many others are in the same boat, as sad as that is, its quite reassuring.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Thu 25-Apr-13 17:58:07

South Yorkshire.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Thu 25-Apr-13 17:21:23

I'm in Sussex

Switchedtoeatingbutter Thu 25-Apr-13 16:26:40

It sounds like we all need friends not men!

Where do you all live? I'm in Glasgow.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Wed 24-Apr-13 11:26:19

You will get there, honestly grin
I know how hard it is, I have had to move home and it seems all my friends have gone!
I just meander around alone grin, I'm quite used to it now.
I've a wonderful friend from on here both single mums but we are two hours away.
You should have a look on mums net local smile

Emily28 Wed 24-Apr-13 10:08:49

I think it's really brave of you all.
My ex also left me as soon as I told him I might've been pregnant.
I was miserable but then discovered I wasn't pregnant after all.
Now I have 2 beautiful babies with the right guy.
I know what it means to feel lonely though and feeling stuck in a place.
I think the best thing that helped me out in that period was really my boredom. Got so bored at one point that I HAD to make friends so I went out and joined clubs, salsa classes and community-led activities. You'd be surprised but when you open up people are kind and do the same! smile

Piemother Wed 24-Apr-13 09:47:29

Sadness not saddles!

Piemother Wed 24-Apr-13 09:46:58

I so relate to the sunny pub garden thoughts I have had them hmm

Unfortunately the feeling of saddles post relationship breakdown get all tied up with feeling lonely and pretend to be the same thing. They are not.
Also post break up feels a bit competitive to prove that you are fine and have moved on etc.

Sounds like you need to take control of everything so you don't feel like a victim. Good luck

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Wed 24-Apr-13 09:19:18

Bloody hell make what an utter twunt.

Thanks everyone, I don't even want a relationship atm, I haven't got the time or the energy for one, but it would be nice to have some friends at least. I think that's what pisses me off the most, I came here for him and now I'm alone with only a few friends who I hardly see anyway, whilst the minute we break up all these women suddenly start coming out of the woodwork. Plus he's been on loads of nights out and just trips to the pub with friends and is planning festivals and gigs this summer while the highlight of my summer break is set to be a visit to my mother. hmm

I'd love to have someone I could call up and meet for a drink or they could come over for a chat when I'm on my own without having to plan it yonks in advance.

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong Wed 24-Apr-13 07:16:07

Don't give up OP.
My exp threw me out upon finding out I was 23 weeks pg, I am back with mum and dad with my DD and my dog. The twunt made my life hell, told me just after delivery he had cheated and was now with OW blush
It's taken me a long time to get over but DD is 7 months now, he has no input. My mum and dad babysat for a Internet date about a month ago, it's going really really well, he's taking me away fri grin
It's taken a long time to get to this stage, I'd just got comfortable with focusing on the future, DD and going to uni.
It's very hard starting a new relationship after my ex was a true narc. I can see now even though I felt alone a lot longer than I was its only now almost a year on that I was even ready to date.
Mumsnet, and wine got me through. It does get very lonely I know, I have taken up knitting.
I also know its even harder when your sat at home knowing they have moved on, it won't always be like this, I promise.
I can assure you all our exp and ow deserve each other: but when it hurts just think to yourself-

What goes around comes

ScumbagCollegeDropout Wed 24-Apr-13 07:04:53

Hi OP.

I felt the same as you for the first few months. Who would want to date a single mum to 2 dcs?

And yes the Ex moved on vair quickly. They generally have the time to. He is currently in his 2nd relationship post separation (just over a year ago).

I on the otherhand took a bit longer. I went out and had fun with my friends. A couple of ONS and drunken snogs later I am in a proper relationship with a lovely bloke smile

It took 10 months to be at this stage, ready to be in a relationship that is.

So no giving up. There will come a time where the opportunity presents itself. Possibly not right away as I know all too well how hard those first 4-6 months are. But it will get better smile

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Wed 24-Apr-13 00:17:21

Yes, you're right switched this is better, I'm cripplingly lonely but it's still better than being constantly lied to, manipulated and betrayed.

Switchedtoeatingbutter Wed 24-Apr-13 00:07:45

I have 4 quite young dc's so pretty sure ill be alone for the next 15 years anyway. It does make me sad, but better than sticking about with an ass that doesn't love or respect me.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Tue 23-Apr-13 22:14:53

How do people even manage to meet other people when they are fat single mothers?

PurpleThing Tue 23-Apr-13 22:10:17

Me too. Two year old and ex moved on at light speed.

I think you have to work at making friends and being happy in yourself, doing what you want when you get the chance. Who knows it might happen and at least if not, you'll enjoy yourself in the meantime.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Tue 23-Apr-13 21:15:46

I got a bit upset today, i got off the bus in town after uni and was heading to do some food shopping, and I thought how lovely and warm it was and how it would be nice to sit in a pub beer garden with someone. But I didn't have anyone to call and ask if they wanted to come to the pub. sad

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