Help! Single mum for 4 months with on/off 6 year relationship

[cnk4812]

Hi world!! So I've been with my partner/ex don't really know which one we are right now. Since having our daughter we've had a lot of ups and downs, probably more downs than up.... Pnd, fell pregnant again, went through an abortion all in one year. Was meant to be at my happiest but instead I was at my lowest, then to top it off my 6 year relationship was crumbling. Our 6 yr anniversary was on Xmas day, and my partner decided to spend Xmas eve with his friends instead of with me considering we can't go out and do anything on Xmas day for our anniversary. So I was pretty bugged out about that... Every Christmas I stay with my mum so I took my daughter whom was her first Christmas and we stayed over. My partner came for Xmas eve mass at church, clock hit midnight and he turnt and shook my hand and said happy anniversary. That really hurt me but he didn't seem to see that. So he still went and left me and my daughter and went out with his friends that night. He wasn't around for Xmas morning to open up our daughters presents, he was at our flat sleeping off his fun from the night before. So Christmas afternoon he finally comes and he's trying to be touchy feely with me but I just wasn't up for the falseness. Cut a long story short, New Years came and once again he wasn't around we battled over him being with his friends again, I was at my mums once again and I wanted to go home to our flat in the eve but had forgotten the keys, my partner knew this but didn't tell me he was going out anywhere like he usually would have. We would usually have arranged for me to get the keys some how so I could get home. Anyway he eventually came to my mums after 1am and gave me the keys even though I had told him not to bother anymore seeing as it was late... So in the heat of the moment bearing in mind what happened Xmas day he had said to me where am I gonna go seeing as you have the keys now and this fell out my mouth "go ask.your friends I'm sure they'll help you out". He insisted that I kicked him out which left us in shambles for the last 4 months. He moved out and left me with his daughter. A lot of other things have happened but that's the main outline of the situation. Now we've spoken and were trying to get things on track, but at this present minute it just feels like I'm doing all the trying. I tell him that I miss him and ask when he's coming round. He was meant to move back in fully yesterday but he didn't come due to him having a toothache. I'm just trying to see if its worth a shot again, I mean he says we're starting afresh and that he loves me and wants to be home... But to me if you wanna be home you would be home. I'm just so confused as to do I keep going and try or just give up. I mean we both haven't had sex since December and since we've decided to give it a go we've only had it twice due to him... Am I undesirable? I don't know what to do.... Help??