New Lone Parent. Help(6 Posts)
Hi all. I'm now a lone parent, I am still married but my husband has recently left and so I'm now alone with our 13 month old DS.
I'm severely struggling, especially at night time as my DS isn't a great sleeper.
If you're not doing it already, co-sleep, and basically anything else you have to do just to make it through each day, e.g. sleep during the day when your ds does.
I've been on my own with my, now 18 month old, ds since he was 10 months, and he's always been an awful sleeper as well. The first couple of months alone were the hardest, I just went into survival mode, slept whenever he did and forgot about baby groups etc for a while.
I can appreciate how tough it must be for you, on many levels, not just the sleep issue. One positive of being on your own is you are now free to do things your own way, so you can co-sleep every night if you want to, you can implement a routine and stick to it without anyone else messing it up or trying to change things. You and your ds are free to do whatever you like, it will bring you closer in the end.
Can you say a bit more about your situation, are you a sahm or working? Do you have any family or friends who could help? Will your ex be having contact, and could this potentially be overnight at some point to give you a break?
Any ideas why your ds doesn't sleep very well?
Hello... I found 13 months a tricky age for everything with DS really. I agree, just co sleep and sort it out later when you're feeling stronger. At 14 months I found DS a lovely childminder and he went to her for two afternoons a week so I could catch up with everything. Is this an option for you?
I've been a lp since pregnancy so I don't have any experience of break up stuff, but you have my sympathy as it must be a crap time.
Agree with the others. Take the easy path at the moment with regards sleeping, food, housework. When you are feeling more together you can tackle stuff.
One night a week go to sleep when your ds does. Sounds ridiculous but it will help you re-charge. Read a book in bed (not a screen) to relax if you can't sleep that early.
Another tip is tell people, family, friends, people you know from baby groups. It helps to feel you are getting on with a new life. People have been very helpful to me, plenty of people actually have experience of divorce and separated families but you wouldn't necessarily know it. Not having another adult in the house you will need to find other people to offload your parenting stress (and pride!) to.
Is his dad having contact? If not look into a cm or local teenager or someone to play with him for a bit so you get a break.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
I work part time and I'm also a full time carer for my mum who has MS. My family and friends have been amazing since the split and as its still early days they are all rallying around me.
My ex isn't much help at the moment as he's trying to sort himself out, so for the time being my DS goes to nursery once a week and then family members help while I'm in work.
Try not to lose yourself in all this, try to arrange time to do what you want without baby, a night out or lunch with friends, or even just catching up on sleep. Pull in as many favours as you can, and never be afraid to ask for help. I was also on my own from pregnancy, and I wouldn't have coped if my mates hadn't helped.
It does get easier, I got so used to being alone that I'm still adjusting to dp being around!
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