Please help me get out of this abusive, violent, damaging house!

[MissSG]

I have a 19 MO DS and I am 25 weeks pregnant with DC2.

Bit of background: Fiancé left me 4 months ago out of the blue, I was left with nothing so I had no choice but to move in with my parents.

It has been hell on earth and it would take me all night writing everything down but today was the final straw to me when my Dad got so annoyed with me not wanting my DS to hand feed the dogs some chicken as I do not trust them he started screaming at me when i replied 'I am his Mum and I don't want him doing it so he wont' he preceded to get extremely angry and threw a cup at me as hard as he could, luckily it hit my leg and not my belly.

I've had enough, I went lightheaded because of how upset I became, I am now trying to calm myself down and I have removed DS from the situation. No support from other family members living in the house at all.

I need to go, move out of here. Please tell me how I can do this. I receive tax credits and income support if this helps.

I've had enough.

[sugarandspite]

Have you considered contacting women's aid?

[sugarandspite]

0808 2000 247 women's aid

[MissSG]

I am seriously considering this, I am just scared where it would leave me and DS.

[Piemother]

You can also ask your parents to write a letter which states they have accommodated you but they are no longer able to. You take this to the housing office and it proves you are 'unintentionally homeless' which will give you a high banding on the waiting list. I know a council property isn't a dream come true bit you will be independent.

[MissSG]

They would definitely write a letter wanting me out, I've e-mailed citizens advice telling them about how awful it is to live here and that I need there advice about accommodation/housing. I don't know of that was a good thing to do, I am so messed up at the minute.

[marriednotdead]

It would leave you in a safe place. Your father throwing something at you- a pregnant woman- in temper, presumably in front of your DC, is domestic violence.
In the short term you can be housed in a refuge, longer term you would eventually get your own place.

YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS.

Please call WA or the police and get help to get out of there safely before things escalate further.

[Piemother]

There you go. Ask them to do the letter and take it in on Monday morning. Try and stay out if the house over the weekend and stay safe.

[Naoko]

That was a good thing to do MissSG, it was a proactive step to get out of your situation by approaching someone who might be able to help you :)

Contacting women's aid is a good idea. They can help you get out of there - just because it is your father who is violent to you, not your partner, doesn't mean it's not abusive. They will talk to you about what to do and they might be able to find you a place to go. The police are another avenue (because throwing crockery at you is assault), if you felt able to go down that route.

Please call someone. You know you need out, you removed your DS from that situation which was the right thing to do, you've been very brave already - you can make that phonecall.

[MissSG]

Thank you for the replies.

My Dad has left and gone somewhere and no one is talking to me/supporting me. My Mum just said 'Get a council house'.

I will consider contacting woman's aid, Can I send them an email? I'm too upset to speak to anyone by phone at the moment. What will happen when I do? And what do I say? Sorry for the questions.

I'm so scared for me and DS, I am a total mess right now.

[Naoko]

You can email them MissSG, at [email protected]. Their website also says 'When you email the Helpline it's very important that you specify when and if it is safe to respond and to which email address. Your safety is our main concern.'

I've never contacted them myself so I don't know what will happen, but if you don't know what to say, just tell them what you've told us in your post, you could even just copy it so you don't have to write it again, and I'm sure they'll take it from there. You won't be the first woman who's been too upset to know what to say when emailing them, they will know what to do.

Have a big (((hug))), too.

[PurpleThing]

Tell them you are pregnant with a young child, staying with your parents and your father has assaulted you. Tell them you need to get out of this situation. Important point is that you are scared and no-one is helping you.

It is fine to say you don't feel strong enough to go into the details or answer questions yet so don't worry if you can't talk about it.

They will want you to contact your local WA I think - depending where you live they may not be open over the weekend. Hopefully they will have a refuge you can move into. If not they will be able to tell you what to do next.

If you are victim of domestic abuse (which I agree this would count as) your Local Authority HAS to provide you with accommodation. Agree the letter sounds a good idea.

Do you have any mum friends you could meet this weekend? Take ds to soft play or something to get out of the house and spend some time with other people? Does his dad have him at all?

[Piemother]

See if you can see your midwife urgently too. Mine was amazing when I was pg with dd2 and struggling with huge difficulties. She should know what your local services are too. Your health visitor for your older child should know all this too. One or both of them should be able to help and help you access some services.
Your local sure start probably does emergency crèche sessions. Ask your mw/HV as they can refer you and this would be some safe Childcare while you sort other things.
I know it's hard to talk about all this bit there is help you are entitled to out there and you need to find out