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How long to let radio silence go on for?

(6 Posts)
BertsSweatyPits Tue 16-Apr-13 13:58:53

Exp last spoke to me about dd three weeks ago. His last messages were about arranging contact and he said he would "speak to me tomorrow". He hasn't even contacted to ask how she is. He has managed to find the time to go to the bank and change his standing order to pay the lowest amount maintenance he can on his wages (he used to pay £10 extra a week for me to put towards treats for her).

Do I chase after him and try and arrange something? Or do I leave it up to him seeing as he is obviously choosing not to have any contact with or about dd?

Snorbs Tue 16-Apr-13 15:18:13

Don't chase. If he is interested in contact with DD he knows how to get in touch with you. The ball's in his court.

betterthanever Tue 16-Apr-13 15:23:59

He wants you to chase him and then he can acuse you of being controling but then if you don't he will acuse you of not caring, it will probably always just be about how he feels. Be strong, don't contact him and just repete the orginal arangements you made if he challenges you on not contacting him. If you have the arangements in writting in any form even better just forwrad them if he tries to make out that you are changing the arangements. I take it he is expecting you to grovel to get the additional money back to make himself feel neededd and important and better than you? if he doesn't want to give his DD treats that is up to him, I wouldn't even mention it.

TheYoniKeeper Tue 16-Apr-13 15:30:43

Leave it.

You are not responsible for his relationship with his daughter.

He knows the door is open.

If you try to keep contact going etc you will only be wasting time & energy that you could use on more important things.

He'll get his act together or he won't.

(Sorry it's gone this way, it happened to me & DS too and I gave up 'chasing' in the end as it was taking a lot out of me & not even worth it) thanks

BertsSweatyPits Tue 16-Apr-13 20:59:28

Sorry that it happened to you too Yoni sad thank you everyone for your replies! Off to NC now just in case smile

TheYoniKeeper Wed 17-Apr-13 09:02:48

He actually came around in the end but it took him two years & actually realizing I wasn't doing it for him, no matter what strop he threw!

Hope you get a similar result or that he just drops out totally and doesn't do the one foot in, one foot out parenting.

At least your DD has a good, stable relationship with one parent. That counts for a lot in the long run smile

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