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He cancelled again!

(12 Posts)
HerrenaHarridan Sun 14-Apr-13 10:33:12

Knobhead demanded the maximum contact that the centre offered which is 2 hours a week. Not much I know and initially I was hoping that after a while of him having to independently parent dd with only distant centre staff (and me waiting anxiously in a different room) we would move on to contact being supervised by a member of his family I trust.

So far there have been 10 2hr sessions booked for him.

First was fine
second and third he was 20 mins late for
Fourth and fifth he ended 15 and 10 mins early.

I then received a call from the mediation lot to say he wanted to negotiate for more contact. I refused and said he should ask again when he was actually using the contact he had ( bear In mind he had by choice had 9 hours instead of 10)

It has now been five weeks so,

Session six, 15 mins late
Session seven ended early
Session 8 fine
Session 9 and 10 cancelled by him within an hour of me needing to get the bus to centre. He didn't bother to contact the centre he just sent a text to me and my mum saying "can you tell herrena I will not be able to make contact today"

He's not even supposed to text me, he has bail conditions to not contact me. The centre have made it clear to him that he should contact them. I called to let them know none of us would be coming and they are going to remind him he should be contacting them.

I am so bloody mad at him and I just have to keep doing happy smiles and playing with my precious baby.

I also have to keep missing any activities that are on a Saturday, refusing offers of play dates and then watching her be ditched. How long do I have to keep letting him mess her about? sad

LouiseSmith Sun 14-Apr-13 12:40:07

If its court ordered contact or solister ordered I would go back to your solister expain the situation, and they will stop it. smile

You are well within your right to do so. x

onoroff Sun 14-Apr-13 12:47:43

I do not have experience of this so cannot offer advice but just wanted to offer my sympathies as that must be so stressful for you. It must be really hard to play happy mummy when you have so much stress going on, I have certainly been there and it is very hard.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 14-Apr-13 18:35:38

I arranged it through family mediation and I know if I did stop it he would never bother his arse to take me to court especially now he won't get legal aid but is that really best for her?

I sort of feel like I should let him mess her round to his selfish hearts content now while she's too young to realise its happening and the first time she asks me why she's not seeing him today give him one warning that she's now old enough to know and then put a stop to it until...?

The thing is I don't ever want to be the reason she doesn't see him. I guess I'm hoping he either bucks his ideas up or stops bothering in the mean time sad

My heart breaks for her even though she doesn't know why she should be hurting, I mean if you only saw your kid for two hours week what on earth would make you knock 15 mins of the end!?!

HerrenaHarridan Sun 14-Apr-13 18:36:44

Thanks onoroff smile just to too it all my period started! Cherry on top anyone grin

chocoreturns Sun 14-Apr-13 21:08:02

no advice other than to remember that you are not the one stopping him, he is the one not being there for her. If he chooses not to be a parent, you have to reconcile yourself to the fact that he has chosen to be a twat. You didn't make him be this way and you cannot make him be better.

Don't let his actions define anything you do - just carry on being the best mummy you can be and allow him to stand or fail as a dad, by being the dad he is going to be. In the long run your DD will learn what kind of a dad he is anyway so best to let him work it out now while she is so young and can't remember - even if that means he doesn't bother sad


HerrenaHarridan Sun 14-Apr-13 21:13:20

Thanks choc smile

Your right there is no point trying to force anything he can even manage two hours a week ffs!

Stupid thing is I feel guilty, comes with the mum badge I suppose!

I really though he was going to be a great dad, she wasn't an accident we were together 5 years before we started trying for dc, I just don't understand how we ended up here sad

pansyflimflam Sun 14-Apr-13 21:30:40

You have a=to ask yourself if it is the right thing for her. I know the prevailing wind is that children should see their Fathers but when they are fuckwits with disordered priorities then you have to ask yourself what good is it doing your child?

Keep doing everything right and give him enough rope and he will hang himself. If she were older she would be devastated by his lack of interest in her, as it is he might be doing her a favour in the long run.

pansyflimflam Sun 14-Apr-13 21:33:24

M ex had to send one postcard once a month to his DDs (whom he had lived with for 5 years before he left us) - he took me to court, he made a massive fuss re. contact but could not get his way but did he send the postcards? Did he fuck, he ended up having 18 months to comply with the writing to them thing and he did not. He has not seen them now for coming up for 6 years - it is the best decision he ever made

BlackeyedSusan Mon 15-Apr-13 10:08:48

have you told the police he broke bail conditions?

keelyboo Mon 15-Apr-13 10:15:20

my friend always says you can not force them to be the father you think they should be, and shes right its his choice its hard now but she will look back one day and realise who was there for her.

and agree id report him for breaking bail conditions x

HerrenaHarridan Mon 15-Apr-13 13:08:20

Wow he couldn't even manage a postcard once a month, pathetic! Dads seem to forget that these court orders work both ways.

I haven't contacted to police, he phrased the text to make it look like he's sent it to me by accident while sending it to my mum, but the second time that was less plausible for 2 reasons one being he'd done it before, 2 being he was using someone else's phone so must have gone to the effort to enter my number as well when what he should have been doings was calling the contact centre.
He is homeless so I don't know that the police would be able to do much about it, except maybe bring it up at his trial?

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