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Should i make ds go?

(4 Posts)
Needsgoodadvice Fri 12-Apr-13 21:10:01

I have two kids with my ex of 4 and half years, they both have additional needs, one is Autistic and one has developmental delay/learning difficulties they are 8 and 6. My 8yr old ds with Autism has been saying a lot lately that he doesn't want to go and see his dad, they see him once a week and stay overnight. He and his dad have never got on very well, (that was one of the many reasons we split). There is a new girlfriend that is spending time with them, he has said he is ok with that, his dad doesn't do anything with them, they go to the park if they are lucky and that is not every week. There doesn't seem to be a particular reason for him not to go, he just says his dad doesn't let him do the things he wants to do i.e play Minecraft on his tablet, which he is obsessed with at the moment lol. his dad still doesn't understand his autism, which doesn't help. My dd loves to see her dad and thats how it should be, but my ds doesn't always want to go I have spoken to his dad who's attitude was, if he doesn't want to come, he's not bothered. well i don't agree with one going and not the other. I also know that if i did nothing, their relationship would diminish to nothing, am confused. Question is should i make him go?

PurpleThing Fri 12-Apr-13 21:35:47

That is sad his dad is not bothered, perhaps that is exactly why ds doesn't want to go?

Why don't you agree with only one going?

Gingerandhibiscus Fri 12-Apr-13 21:45:10

I had a similar problem. My x only wanted to take the eldest. At first because the youngest was still in nappies, and too much work. Right from the getgo I refused point blank. Both or neither. My ds missed maybe one visit because he had some sort of meltdown when they were out. Some children teased him and I'd know how to handle it, up to a point, and difuse the situation but my x was out of his depth and then my son refused to go out with him the next time he visited. he had started to refer to his father as 'that guy'. I couldn't see that allowing my son to stay at home was going to help matters. So the next battle was to INSIST my son go. But now it's fine. x has understood long ago that it's both now. Son accepts that when their dad comes they both go. however, he does take them out and they do things, they don't sit around playing minecraft whatever that is.

My ds never does anything simply because somebody wants him to, so it's hard. His father never does anything simply because somebody would like him too. so, they have that in common but it doesn't bring them together!

If I'd said first 'ok' to my x, just take the eldest, or then later, to my son, ok you can stay home, in the future when they had no relationship at all, i'd be blamed for it.

Needsgoodadvice Fri 12-Apr-13 21:48:11

Thanks. X just really worried that if she goes on her own, it wont be long before she will start saying she doesnt want to go either. i know it will be my fault whatever i try and do. X

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