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My dd is wondering who her dad is

(3 Posts)
RocksThatIGot Tue 09-Apr-13 01:47:48

I have 2 dd's, age 8 and 2, with different dads.

Dd1 has regular contact with her dad, every other weekend, and as he lives quite a long way away we meet half way for drop offs and pick ups.

Dd2's dad is a complete nut burger who does not have any access to her at all, and hasn't done since feb 2012, when she was only 18 months old. I have been to court over 10 times as he is trying to get access to her, and there are 2 more hearings to go (at least). The final hearing is scheduled for the end of July.

Lately dd2 has been talking about 'my dad' a lot. She does not have any recollection of her biological father, but she has recently referred to men in the street and a plastic polar bear as her dad. Today when I dropped dd1 off with her dad, I was talkng to my ex when dd1 got out of the car and said "er mum, dd2 thinks my dad is her dad". Sure enough dd2 was looking at my ex and saying quite proudly "isss MY dad!". It breaks my heart because I just don't know what to tell her about who her dad is. It doesn't make it any easier that I have no idea which the way the court hearing will go at the moment.

I don't want her to grow up living a lie, but I don't want to freak her out either. My boyfriend has been in her life for almost 18 months now, and we don't live together but she sees him as her father figure and sometimes calls him dad, though I have not encouraged that. Her dad is a very dangerous person with serious mental health issues. I really don't know how to handle this.

LouiseSmith Tue 09-Apr-13 19:17:34

Try explaining to DD2 that her daddy, is not around at the moment, tell her he is poorly and he needs to get better before he can be a dad to her.

Im in a similar situation but I haven't had to cross that bridge with my Ds who is 3, as he just hasn't asked. Maybe its a phase, she will grow out of asking.

cestlavielife Wed 10-Apr-13 15:55:57

she is quite young, hard to understand concepts.

a male adult is a "dad". is what she thinks ?

you could draw family tree...

or use dolls to show her who is who.

explain that boyfriend is her friend. like a dad.

is her bio dad likely to get some kind of contact eg supervised?

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