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becoming a lone parent after husband leaves.

(5 Posts)
maggiemae76 Mon 08-Apr-13 20:13:32

Married 9 years have 2 kids 4 an 5 an husband doesnt come home one day saying he feels numb. 6 months later after waiting an being patient an keeping my husbands memory alive at home saying 'daddy has lots of work on thats why he hasnt come home yet' I asked the question 'is our marriage over?' An his txt reply is yes.

Was I wrong to tell my children the very next day that 'dads never coming home!'
Help coz im feeling guilty for telling my kids the truth.

ArcaneAsylum Mon 08-Apr-13 22:28:26

Don't second guess yourself, your children deserve honesty. I'm not a parent yet but I work with children and know the impact separation can have on kids. Make sure that they know any decision you or your partner might take about your relationship is not because they are not loved in any way: it is a problem between mum and dad. Then go from there.

I'm so sorry that you're in this position. I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Don't make any rushed decisions, take your time and, more importantly, take care of yourself. Xxx

Spero Mon 08-Apr-13 22:34:28

There are lots of different versions of the 'truth' and lots of different ways to say it. I agree that your children need a version of the 'truth' that doesn't scare them too much, that reassures them nothing is their fault and that they are loved and will be safe.

I totally understand and sympathise with why you said what you did as it is an awful, painful, gut wrenching experience to go through but I do think you need to try to tone it down from here on as otherwise it could be very scarey for them. They are really young to try to process this.

Is he planning on seeing them? Can you reassure them that even though they won't be living with daddy they will see him at x times?

Or has he just be an absolute selfish shit and done a runner with no communication? If so, it will be very hard and I am sorry.

S I agree with you that truth is always best, but sometimes it has to be presented in a way little children can process.p

ArcaneAsylum Mon 08-Apr-13 22:42:24

Absolutely Spero, should have said that. Do tell them that their dad will not be living with you for the time being, but that this doesn't mean that they won't be seeing him. You can work out the finer details later on when youv'e had a chance to talk through the arrangements with your husband. Don't be tempted to project your very real fears on to them: save that for adults who can support you best. Good luck with everything.

cestlavielife Wed 10-Apr-13 15:58:37

they've got used to him not being there right? if its been six months.... do they see him at all?

just say matter of factly "you'll see daddy on xx day, he is going to stay living in xxxtown from now on" .

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