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name calling?

(3 Posts)
keelyboo Mon 08-Apr-13 10:17:28

im sick to death of hearing how wonderful my ex's step children are how well behaved they are how they help round the house do as they are told etc...when he cant say a single nice thing about our children sad

he says they have no respect for him, but when he dropped them back home the other day my eldest (9) went to shut the door and didnt realise her little brother (2) had his thumb in the way. He was fine i told dd to just sit down and not to worry and id just give him a cuddle quick picked ds up and next thing ex is screaming at dd that shes wants to be more fucking careful and what is she some sort of retard. I straight away told him to stop and explained to dd he was very wrong she doesnt need to accept that from anyone least of all her father, and he yelled at me for bringing him up on it infront of her and im the reason they have no respect.

maybe i should have waited but i was so disgusted by what he said and tbh need my dd to know im behind her wether she makes mistakes and like i said she doesnt have to accept that sort of abuse from anyone so i stand by what i didit wasnt i dont think a reasonable form of response for any misdeed, let alone a simple mistake i mean ds shut the door on dd7 finger the other day its a mistake for me a simple be careful would have done, not to mention dd was so upset she had hurt her brother she was upset enough

this is according to dd not the first time and i feel so sad hes so wrapped up in his new family he cant see the damage hes doing to his own children how can he have so much patience for his gfs children and not ours?

weve talked and ive told him in general here they behave they arent perfect (show me a child who is) but they are good children and his lack of respect for them is why they have none for him..its changed nothing and i just dont know what to do!

Trinab75 Mon 08-Apr-13 19:57:03

I have experienced many similar incidents with how my children's Father speaks about and to our children especially my eldest. He frequently compared our children to his recent ex girlfriends children and it seemed my eldest could do nothing right to escape his wrath.

He has since split with his partner and my eldest can still do little right and is frequently yelled at and called names over the smallest of incidents. It is awful to endure and I think you did exactly the right thing by calling him out on his abusive behaviour in front of your children, as you are quite rightly teaching them that name calling and verbal abuse is wrong.

The only reason he called you up on bringing his behaviour up in front of your daughter was to try and take the emphasis off how badly he had behaved, my ex also often does this.

It has been an ongoing problem for me both within the relationship and has continued now we are in separate houses. In our case the verbal abuse has escalated as my son has got older (he's now 12), despite a recent warning letter from my solicitor regarding name calling. I'm currently monitoring the situation with a view to stopping contact if it continues.

My only advice is to keep supporting your daughter and doing as you are doing which is educating her that she should not have to take name calling or abuse from anyone let alone her own Father. Setting these standards will stand her in good stead in setting healthier personal boundaries later in life.

I hope things improve for you, as I understand how distressing it is.

keelyboo Tue 09-Apr-13 07:41:19

thank you, its very difficult isnt it.

I think he is on his best behaviour infront of the new gf so while its not acceptable hes still an idiot at least she is escaping it for now and ive cut all contact here if he wants to see them he has them at his or his girlfriends, because he seems to have not only no respect for our daughter but me either becuse he clearly doesnt care what i think.

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