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When does it get better?

(7 Posts)
ComeOnBeANoOne Wed 03-Apr-13 23:17:22

This will seem a bit whiney but...

Dad-netter. I've posted before about my break-up. My wife turned around about 3 weeks ago and said she doesn't love me anymore. We've not been married that long. We have DD (2) who I see 50-50 (ish... will be more balanced when she's older). I'm very happy when with DD, I'm very happy when I distract myself. But when I'm alone... I'm still a little upset, I'm still quite angry. But mostly, I just feel numb. Like I'm a bit hollow now and struggle to get particularly excited about anything. Again, this sounds whiney, but, basically I just lay in bed ever since the break-up unless I have DD or work. I just can't find the motivation to do anything anymore. And it all seemed so easy for her, just to cut ties, just like that.

So I don't know what I'm asking for here. I just felt the need to say that. Did anybody else get this? Just, being numb? Will I just wake up one day and be over it? Thanks for reading anyway...

dollyindub Thu 04-Apr-13 00:06:37

You don't sound whiney at all, just pretty normal considering your world has been turned upside down!
I think most people who've experienced a sudden unexpected break up would identify with what you're feeling.
Understandably your mood is probably low when you're alone, and motivating yourself is hard (I definitely identify with that) but give yourself time, it's very early days.
Maybe see your GP or try a counsellor if it continues.
Good luck

ComeOnBeANoOne Thu 04-Apr-13 00:23:16

Hi dolly. Thank you!
I had a drop-in counselling session, and that seemed to help just talking about it, and I should ring back to arrange a more permanent session structure, but I feel as if their are people with more serious problems out there and I'd be wasting their time iykwim? Essentially, the basics of the situation are that I've been dumped. I've suffered with depression before so I know I should go see my GP but again, it's a subject I feel a bit silly talking about with a medical professional. Maybe I need to get over that? Thank you for understanding x

Fleecyslippers Thu 04-Apr-13 14:12:40

Heck it's normal. You are going through one of the most traumatic periods of your life. I still get low days a couple of years down the line. i think that you do have to allow yourself time to grieve for the end of your marriage and for the new reality. You have to keep focusing on the important bits for now - and that is your little girl. She needs you to keep going and keep strong - I would definitely keep up with the counselling - there is nothing silly about this at all and am sure it will help.

Sleepyk Thu 04-Apr-13 14:19:10

bless you...I was looking for something else and read your post. You arent being whiney you are just being normal. Most women are very good at just getting on with things once they have made up their minds and its always easier being the one who ends it. Having someone to talk is so important so go back and see the counsellor and know that in a few months the clouds will shift and you will feel better. When you feel up to it try and join a gym - exercise is a great way to take your mind off things and you will feel better about yourself not to mention it will be a little less time lying on the bed! Most of all give yourself a break : you have just had your world turned upside down. When I went through my separation my godfather gave me this old proverb which still helps me to this day

GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN...
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

good luck and be good to you

dollyindub Thu 04-Apr-13 22:47:03

If you've suffered depression before, maybe a GP visit would be a good idea? Don't feel that your situation is trivial or that you don't deserve help, you need to get as much support as possible at the moment!
I also second the exercise recommendation above. I miss running so much, it really gave me a buzz and lifted my mood, but i've no-one to mind my DS so I can't at the moment... If you can, get as active as possible, it will really help your mood.
Focus on yourself and your DD. You sound like a caring, sensitive guy, concentrate on building a great new life for the two of you!

ComeOnBeANoOne Fri 05-Apr-13 23:48:01

Hi again. Thank you so much for the replies. I have rang my gp to see them on Tuesday, albeit not sure what to say to them. I know excersize will help also, it is just finding the motivation to do it, which i know makes me sound lazy but tbh a lot more simple things than popping for s run seem a challenge atm. Though maybe posting about this in the first place is a good sign of progress? Having been trying yo distract myself with friends tonight but actually ending up spending most of the time texting the ex in desperation, i an thankful for the supportxxxxj

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