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He walked out after 12 years :-(

(17 Posts)
Jennymailen Mon 01-Apr-13 15:17:16

Not really sure what I'm doing but ill start by telling my story.. My partner of 12 years and 2 beautiful children later went to work one day, everything seemed fine then that evening he told me he couldn't do it anymore he's leaving and off he went!! We own our house, I don't work and I'm not sure what my rights are.. I've lost my soul mate and I don't want to lose my home.. Is there any law that's on my side of side? What money am I entitled to because I'm just so worried.. This is the hardest thing that's ever happened to me in my life.. He's acting like he hates me? I didn't do anything wrong apart from look after our children and basically mother him and did everything for him... And there is no other woman involved.. He just says he has fallen out of love with me :-(

raskolnikov Mon 01-Apr-13 16:37:35

Hi, I'm so sorry, this must be such a shock - when did he leave? Have you spoken to him since? Perhaps when he's had some time on his own he'll realise what he's losing...

You're not alone tho', there are plenty of women in a similar situation who have managed to cope through all sorts of difficulties. Financially you should be entitled to maintenance and child support and there are benefits you could be entitled to as well. The first thing to do would be to see a solicitor - they usually offer a free half hour consultation. Make a list of questions in advance.

Evo26 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:54

Hi, firstly you may be feeling shocked and very distressed. I know I was when it happened to me but also know that walking out on you and your children must feel devastating. Are you able to talk with your partner with out the children being there all? Could you try and find out what is going on as he may be depressed or have other issues you are not aware of? Try talking and put your side of how you feel to him.


Jennymailen Mon 01-Apr-13 20:11:14

Hi thank you for response.. No he's totally serious. He walked out last week. We are going to the bank to sort out joint bank account out tomorrow and get me off te account. I don't know what to do. He won't talk to me and is acting like he hates me.. 12 years of seeing him everyday or talking to him everyday and now its like I am a stranger. It came out of the blue. I'm just devastated :-(

expatcat Tue 02-Apr-13 03:35:49

This sounds exactly like the conversation I had with my husband yesterday. We have 3 children, youngest is only 1. And to top it all off we moved to Australia last year and I am doing a full time uni course so that I can work here.
After 10 years of marriage out of the blue he tells me that he is not in love with me and hasn't been for years.
Don't know how to fix it, don't know how to tell the children, don't know how we will cope financially. Just devastated.
So I have no advice, but I know what you are feeling sad

MySonIsMyWorld Tue 02-Apr-13 09:37:34

Sending you big hugs - im so sorry xx

Jennymailen Tue 02-Apr-13 13:02:48

Aw it's awful.. I feel like he's died :-( I don't want this. We didn't have problems and he promises no one else is involved.. It's just an awful lost feeling xx

raskolnikov Tue 02-Apr-13 16:32:50

Do you have anyone in RL you can talk it over with? Have you explained to him how you feel and what a shock it is? Would he go to counselling with you or on his own?

Where is he living now? How old are your children? What have you/he said to them about what's happened?

I'm here to hold your hand - keep posting on here, there's lots of support here for you x

Jennymailen Wed 03-Apr-13 10:24:27

He knows how I feel yes.. My children are 10 and 5.. He's living at his mums at the moment but apparently in the process of getting a flat etc.. He had everything I just don't get it :-( xx

raskolnikov Thu 04-Apr-13 19:57:52

How are you today Jenny? Has he been in touch at all? I think the first thing you need to do is see a solicitor so you can work out what you're entitled to. Has he discussed the house/finances etc?

ComeOnBeANoOne Thu 04-Apr-13 22:24:51

Hi Jenny. Hope you're feeling better today. Just to say I am going through almost the exact same thing, only I had been with XW 3 years and we have one DD. Similarly, just turned around out of the blue and said she's fallen out of love with me. It's the shock that makes it worse. I assume if there was nothing obviously wrong in your relationship also, the worst part will be having so many questions about what was wrong that you wont be able to get answered - especially as your ex, like mine, appears to have closed the book on the subject.

You should stick around on here for support. I last night was at a bit of a low ebb but received some advice from some lovely people on this board that has encouraged me to arrange to see a counsellor, as well as generally putting a smile on my face by realising I'm not alone in going through this. Neither are you. If you feel like doing so, please do keep us updated and there will be plenty of us on here to hold your hand smile

itwillgetbettersoon Thu 04-Apr-13 22:50:19

Hi you will get lots of support if you post this on the relationship section - it seems to get more 'traffic'. Hope you are ok today OP. my husband left me and 2 children a year ago. I'm a lot stronger now but it has taken a long time as he discarded us like a bag of rubbish which is heart breaking when you thought you were with someone for life.

ozzywiz Fri 05-Apr-13 01:36:53

same, my ex left me and 5 children after 12 years of marriage. it was the day before our 13th anniversary . . 3 years on and I have full residence of our children with defined contact. It does get easier and with the correct advise and staying child focused it isnt that bad.

RedHelenB Fri 05-Apr-13 15:45:58

Been there, would bet he's having an affair. You may get the house or you may not, it really depends on money but bear in mind your standard of living will go down. How old are your children?

fergoose Fri 05-Apr-13 18:11:30

Sadly I agree to affair too - from my own bitter experience. Would have bet my life that he would never be unfaithful - but sadly he was and he did have an OW tucked away.

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:03:10

Hey everyone.. I'm very certain he hasn't got anyone else.. He is adamant he never wants another woman again.. Lol.. My children are 20 and 5.. He has his flat now and is still treating me like he has never known me etc :-( I really can't see a light at the end of this tunnel yet :-(

Jennymailen Tue 09-Apr-13 23:03:31

10 and 5 sorry

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