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Not the mother in Law ... this is a little long

(3 Posts)
hellobentleg Tue 26-Mar-13 15:02:56

I wonder if anyone has any advise ...

NTML (not the mother in Law) was pretty horrific to me before, after and during the current duration of DD life (she is nearly 2).

Last year, I suggested we meet up and have a chat and talk through the issues we had, mainly as I thought it would be good for DD to have her in her life in a way that wasn't limited to alternative Sats with her Dad.

She didn't want to do that and I kind of , well, moved on and dealt with how hurt I was by her etc.

However, NTML (not the mother in law) and NTSL (not the sister in law) have all of a sudden shown an interest, NTML emails me and sends me 'love and hugs' and NTSL wants us to meet up -

I want to do the right thing for DD, but I wonder if forming new relations with these people is the right thing, my life has moved on and there is no battle for access / custody / jealously / monies or any of those things and she is very settled in the relationship she has with her Dad.

So, should I let the past be and welcome them, or speak to them and confront the issues or, urmmm, just ignore them and hope this new found interest will pass...

Any suggestions would be gladly received


Teachercreature Tue 26-Mar-13 16:23:52

When my marriage broke up my NTML was terrified I wouldn't let her see my DD since the split wasn't an easy one, but we worked it all out in the end. I know what you mean re your life has moved on, but do you need/want to have a close relationship with the ex relatives? Could you perhaps have a civil working relationship which enables DD to see people who still are her relatives, but you keep emotionally distant and keep moving on?

Or would this be too hard for you? Sounds like you were very hurt - would you feel too tempted to try and resolve the past and make friends?

Ultimately it is your choice, esp since you say they were horrible to you even pre split, but if at all possible I always think it's nice for children to be in touch with families. Good luck! smile

Chandras Mon 01-Apr-13 15:51:39

Keep the door open but don't go out of your way to facilitate contact. Don't forget that they have a son/brother who should be the first port of contact with their gd/niece. Whatever extra opportunities for contact you provide are the cherry on the top.

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