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H asking how much i need to bring up kids?!

(16 Posts)
leftfootrightfoot Mon 25-Mar-13 15:37:10

H has left and has got himself a pad with the OW, this all happened less than 3 weeks ago so still numb. I quit my job to bring up kids when they were born and he was happy with that and supported us all. Now he wants to know how much I "need" so he can make some proposal. I have kept spending records for years to help me budget but obv we will have less money. How can i work out what we actually need? I have all bills etc but how about food costs, clothes shoes etc, activities, general day to day spending? We were never loaded or anything and we spent all that he earned but obv I can economize on certain things (and will have to). My kids are 6 and 3

cestlavielife Mon 25-Mar-13 15:40:34

how much can he give you?

use CSA calculator for the minimum .

lostdad Mon 25-Mar-13 15:41:43

As cestlavielife says - use the CSA calculator!

acceptableinthe80s Mon 25-Mar-13 16:29:41

I think you might be in for a bit of a shock. Depending on your exes salary CSA isn't exactly generous. Of course your ex may be completely reasonable and pay a decent amount of child support without the need for CSA.
Obviously this is all very recent and as you say you're still numb but you're probably going to have to consider looking for work. Go to the turn to us website it will help you work out what benefits you're entitled to, if you don't have substantial savings you'll probably be entitled to claim income support and child tax credit whilst out of work. You'll also need to inform the council you are the only adult in the house as that will entitle you to 25% discount on your council tax (you might also qualify for council tax benefit).
What's your housing situation? If you jointly own you might be forced to buy your ex out or sell.

acceptableinthe80s Mon 25-Mar-13 16:37:01

Sorry the website is

Fleecyslippers Mon 25-Mar-13 16:51:20

As a starting point, the minimum that he would be required to pay if you had to use the CSA is 20% of his net income (15% for the first child, with 5% for each child thereafter) Am assuming given his 'circumstances' he won't be having the children overnight for the forseeable future, but he is then able to deduct 1/7th of the total for every night he has them.
You can claim tax credits and have it back dated to the date that he moved out.
Good luck OP and keep posting smile

leftfootrightfoot Mon 25-Mar-13 17:56:47

I have done the council tax thing and child credits have gone up for me. His 20% takes him to £80 a week. We jointly own our house, have just over a year left on mortgage

Fleecyslippers Mon 25-Mar-13 18:12:20

You are in a good solid position with your house then - you should be able to negotiate a very substantial amount of the equity given that your children are so small. That will give you an element of stability.

leftfootrightfoot Mon 25-Mar-13 18:36:22

I know, i am so so please we got a cheap house instead of taking max mortgage (don't feel that when we are tripping over each other everyday but now I am so so glad) I would be so scared if i thought we had nowhere to live

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 18:46:00

The CSA amount is pathetic.

Your Ex might give you what it actually costs, if you give him a figure; or put you in the position of claiming assistance in the form of tax credits. I had to claim tax credits in a similar position and thank god they were there, because ExH and his family couldn't have given a shit about how the bills to raise the children were actually being paid.

My bills are:

House insurance
Council Tax (claim 25% discount)
Clothes - regular, uniform, sports
School trips
School extras
Transport costs
Childcare (if you work)
Food, at home
School lunches
Extras - eg attending special events, friends' birthday parties
Birthdays (theirs)

It mounts up.

ExH, a professional, currently gets away with £150 pcm TOTAL for two children. Completely disgraceful.

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 18:59:28

OP sorry for coming over all misery-guts above ^^

Hope you find the list useful, though, as a starting point for working things out.

lostdad Mon 25-Mar-13 20:25:39

Unfortunately it's par for the course that when a couple splits the quality of life for both go down - for the simple reason that the same amount of money is now paying for two households. Add in legal costs of divorce, both parties going out their way to make life difficult for each other and it can be nigh on possible.

Serious suggestion though: Have you considered telling your ex it is as much his job to care for the children as it is yours? He is a parent and quite honestly should be meeting his responsibilities both in terms of care and money. If he meets this responsibility it will free up some of your time to earn.

LineRunnyEgg Mon 25-Mar-13 20:34:54

Yes, what lostdad says is spot on. I lost earning potential because ExH did no childcare. None.

If you can get a regular arrangement and routine, it really is better.

leftfootrightfoot Mon 25-Mar-13 22:57:13

He wants them to stay but he has the OW living temp there and her quite scary husand after him, plus he has mental health issues which he says made him frightened he was going to hurt the kids when he was here. I am reluctant to let them go.... they also don't have that good a relationship. I mean heloves them and them him but eg he has never cared forr them for more than a few hours without me when he was here

lostdad Tue 26-Mar-13 09:03:58

leftfootrightfoot - you say `he has never cared forr them for more than a few hours without me when he was here'...

...well - no time like the present to start! Everyone has a first time when it comes to learning to care for children so he's in the same situation as everyone else. If this is a sticking point what could he do to remedy this? Parenting classes? A schedule of increasing parenting time? Working closely together for the kids' benefit - if he's not arsey he may be grateful for the pointers.

If he has mental issues he owes it to the children to sort them out.

leftfootrightfoot Tue 02-Apr-13 22:07:04

His issues make me worried about him having the children at the moment, plus the OWs husband is trying to seek revenge and seems to be up to some stuff now he knows where my H lives so again I don't want them getting involved in all that

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