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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

changing ds name...

17 replies

MySonIsMyWorld · 05/03/2013 14:38

ds has his dads last name but his dad doesnt bother with him (so far) anymore, have you changed your dc last name to yours? how do you do it? im not going to do it to be nasty to ex dp just want him to be the same as me if his dad not going to bother with him x

OP posts:

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lostdad · 05/03/2013 16:15

If your ex has PR you are legally obliged to consult him and cannot change your ds's name without his consent. If he has vanished from the scene and you wish to do this you have to demonstrate you have tried to contact him regarding this.

Surnames are regarded by the courts as an important link with the paternal family generally.

One question I ask you - if you remarry and take a new husband's name would you want to change his name again to match yours or leave it? As a McKenzie Friend I come across quite a few children than end up with a surname that neither their Mum nor their Dad have.

ItsRainingOutside · 05/03/2013 16:33

My dd and I have been discussing this lately as she would like to have my surname, but as lostdad says, the courts don't look favourably on it. Why not compromise and have your surname included in his existing names for e.g. Jack Smith Jones. He can then choose which name he wants to use in the future. Don't hyphenate though as this is deemed as changing the surname.

MySonIsMyWorld · 05/03/2013 18:17

i dont know where his dad is though so that would be hard....
if i got married i wouldn't take the fellas name id stay the same with my son i think.....or i could change my name to match ds i guess...

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iwantanafternoonnap · 05/03/2013 19:33

My ex refused and said he will always be his dad and doesn't want DS to forget him.....Ex doesn't want anything to do with DS. Family outreach team were gobsmacked that he wouldn't give permission particularly as I had said DS was having troubles with the constant reminders of a man he doesn't see!

All my ex's family want nothing to do with DS either, no birthday or christmas cards or presents. No phone calls etc. Important link...what to a horrible family that throws away children so easily without a backward glance! I think in some cases the courts need to reconsider this, I have emails telling me my Ex wants no contact so why the hell should my DS be left with his surname. There is no paternal link and that is down to my Ex and his selfish screwed up family. However, my DS has to miss out on an important factor in feeling part of a family unit with me and my maternal family as we have different names.

pod3030 · 06/03/2013 10:38

i compromised and had my name on the end, so both our names, double barrelled.

MySonIsMyWorld · 06/03/2013 13:02

i couldnt add my name as it would sound silly and wouldnt do that to my lad hahaa

think il leave it a few months then tackle head on...afternoonnap - your ex and family ssound VILE!

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iwantanafternoonnap · 06/03/2013 19:36

I am going to leave mine a few years and then take it to court to see if they can change it. Surely after a few years of no contact, not knowing where he is/lives/works should mean he loses any right to have his DS carry his surname!

MySonIsMyWorld · 08/03/2013 10:51

Yeah good plan think il do that too... i know where he works but dont so sure about his shift pattern... so theres to the future

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lostdad · 08/03/2013 11:05

`not knowing where he is/lives/works should mean he loses any right to have his DS carry his surname!'

Dads have no legal rights. Come to think of it...nor do Mums. Children have rights. It is bad enough for your ds' dad can't be bothered.

Why is it in your son's best interests to have his surname changed?

MySonIsMyWorld · 08/03/2013 17:43

Its neither for my sons best interest nor again - its purley because his dad doesnt bother anymore, hasnt even asked about him so surley why should someone who doesnt give a shit have his name floating around with a son he clearly doesnt give a shit about, also my ex has a terrbile terrbile dad side of his family i thought ex was going to be the new generation of his surname but turns out no, i dont want my son having a drug addict/sellers family name

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iwantanafternoonnap · 08/03/2013 21:46

It's in their best interests to have their name changed when the father is absent because it can cause them to feel as though they aren't part of the family if the mothers surname is different. A child having a surname of a person that has just walked out on them is like slapping that child in the face every time they hear that surname! Cruel if you ask me. It certainly upsets my DS

MySonIsMyWorld · 09/03/2013 08:33

Thank you afternoonnap! exactly!

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mumzy · 09/03/2013 08:39

If your dcs have more than one surname which ones do you have to use/ include on legal/ official documents I.e. passports/ school register?

MySonIsMyWorld · 09/03/2013 09:27

all i think? dont sure.

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lostdad · 11/03/2013 13:13

To the OP: A court wouldn't order a change a surname on that basis.

iwantanafternoonnap says `It's in their best interests to have their name changed when the father is absent because it can cause them to feel as though they aren't part of the family if the mothers surname is different'.

If this is the case any mum who gets married wouldn't change her surname because her child would have a different surname to her again? Or would she change her child's name again to match her new husband's?

I just say this because I know through my work in court that this happens repeatedly.

Snorbs · 11/03/2013 13:26

I grew up with my father's surname. He chose to drift out of our lives on a tide of booze and disinterest. Meanwhile, my mother remarried and changed her surname from my father's to her new husband's.

At no point did I have any problem with the fact I had, and still have, my father's surname. Of course I still felt part of the family even though I didn't have the same surname as my mother. So what? She's my mum. I had no confusion over my part in the family simply based on a name.

ina75 · 11/03/2013 15:11

I grew up with my mum and an absent father, he wasn't even on my birth certificate. I had my mum's surname. As a child I always wanted to know who my dad was, where was he, and secretly wanted to have his surname. Eventually he went and got himself on the birth certificate.. just before I turned 18. He liked the idea of me all of the sudden. Since then we reconnected and are now good friends (me and my dad that is).

Now as an adult I couldn't care less about the name issue... my daughter has her dad's surname and I don't think it affects her in any way... I explained that sometimes children have dad's surname, sometimes mum's, and sometimes both.

In the grand scheme of things this is such an unimportant issue.. make sure you carry the child's birth certificate (or a copy) whenever you travel abroad though :)

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