Hi everyone
I'm new on here, came across the site whilst looking for help/advice on my current situation. Thought I'd post and see if any of you had any advice. Sorry, it's probably going to be a long one!
My little boy is 4 and he has never met his father, he stopped contact with me when I was 3 months pregnant. We hadn't been a couple, we were workmates and close friends and had got a bit close after a particularly stressful day at work. I had the morning after pill but it didn't work, and I was blessed with my little man. Not the most romantic of conceptions but there is nothing I can do to change that.
I've spoken to the dad maybe 3 times in four years, he's said he doesn't want a role, and called my son "it", refusing to use his name, even as recently as last year. This nearly killed me, I was so hurt and angry. Anyway, I got in touch with the CSA, and he denied he was the father, so they offered him a DNA test, but he'd have to pay for it so he refused. The CSA then presumed he was the dad and started taking maintenance direct from his wage. All was fine until 18 months ago, when they reassessed it and the amount was nearly doubled. After two payments, the money stopped. It's taken 18 months of chasing him and sending bailiffs round etc, but they've finally got all the info they need to reassess it, which is great. But, he is disputing paternity again. I'm sure it's just a stalling tactic, and the man I spoke to at the CSA was brilliant, and seemed to have no patience or sympathy for him. Their opinion is, he was offered a DNA test once, he won't get another chance. So he'll have to go to court. I'm really worried, that if this happens,contact with my little boy will be discussed. I simply don't want him anywhere near him, for a number of reasons:
- He's never shown any interest, whatsoever, and so is unlikely to be a positive, constant presence in my sons life
- My little boy is so secure, happy and he's never known a minutes heartache. I was torn in two different directions as a child, used as a weapon and torn apart by my parents and I don't want that for him
- My little boy has a number of medical conditions, and he is poorly a lot, in fact we just got home from the hospital yesterday as the phone was ringing by the CSA. I can't leave him with anyone who isn't trained, and I don't even leave him with my parents, it is so hard to put my trust in other people. It makes me feel sick thinking of what could happen if they feed him the wrong things etc, so many things could go fatally wrong. He is the most precious person in my world, I would rather die myself that let any harm come to him.
I feel so torn, I know the importance of a father figure in a child's life, and that is one thing I fail to provide for my son and I feel so awful from it. I haven't even talked to another man since all this with my sons father - which is nearly 5 years ago now.
I think I am worrying too much, I know I am, nothing has really happened yet, but I just can't help it. His happiness is just so important.
Any advice or support would be really welcome, feel so alone with this.