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tiredsingleparent Mon 28-Jan-13 22:33:36

Ok this may take a while but I am in dire need of some advice.
My son is 6 years old, he's intelligent, imaginative and hilarious... when he feels like it. However with me 95% of the time is spent arguing and him saying things like "I hate you" and "I want to go and live with my dad."

I'll elaborate...

I split up with my sons dad before he was born, we realised we didn't love eachother and were both very young at the time. I had great fun for the first year of my sons life, enjoyed watching him reach all of his milestones etc and then I began to get itchy feet, I come from a family of workers and I had always worked before having the little man.

I spotted an ad for a college course just 20 hours a week, childcare provided, excellent I thought as I had moved area before he was born and it would mean he could play with other children and be around other adults. Though I missed him it seemed to work for both of us... then a year later I was offered a job.

I took the job not only for me but for him aswell as I wanted to be able to provide things for him in a way my mum had never been able to despite working 3 jobs when I was young. I love my job and have been doing the same thing for 4 years now, however it ranges between 40 and 45 hours a week which for a little boy I understand must be tough.

However for the last three years he has been an absolute angel in all aspects of nursery/pre-school and school but the devil incarnite for me, he hits, back chats, argues, throws things, even pulls his hair when he gets really angry. Now you may say this is because I am too hard on him because I don't see him as much as I should which is certainly my mums opinion, but these things start when I ask him to put his shoes on, have a bath, brush his teeth, do his homework, go to bed, get his nails cut, take a bowl to the kitchen.

If I tell him he has lost out on playtime/ leappad time or his sunday on the wii (he only gets one day on this as if he is over stimulated he's worse) things escalate into what can only be described as war, I have tried everything. Everyone else I know who has witnessed his behaviour on numerous occasions says I should be harder on him but because I work so much I find it totally exhausting, plus it's hard when my mum says the opposite and that I'm too hard and he's just seeking attention because I work so much.

I find this hard to believe bacause technically it's all he's ever known and I've always worked the same days so he knows what days are ours etc, he goes for swimming lessons, we have days out, my goodness I even got to take him to lapland in december and he was badly behaved all day which was very embarassing in front of my work colleagues who were with me.

Can I please have some constructive advice? Please do not reply if you are going to tell me to give up work or work less hours, I cannot do this, there are good career opportunities where I am and the area I live in has jobs for about 25% of those who need them... I do not want to live on benefits.

I should also mention that he now sees his dad every holidays which is good for me in one way as I get adult time but awful in other as he gets spoilt rotten and let away with murder.

Plz help from a very tired mummy who is trying her best and sick of crying after bedtime :-(

TheFallenNinja Mon 28-Jan-13 22:38:13

How does it escalate? Is there a to and fro argument?

tiredsingleparent Mon 28-Jan-13 22:43:40

so for example I usually give him a 10 minute warning for bed time, he will acknowledge this when I say it to him but then when I ask him to go and brush his teeth he will whinge so i will repeat myself and he will say no, so I usually say please go and brush your teeth another maybe 3 times and then I usually lose my temper and shout he will then continue to argue back until I issue some kind of punishment (I dont smack him) so no tv tomorrow or I will pick one of his toys and put it in a high cupboard at which point he will usually go into complete tantrum mode and say things like you always throw my toys out (this is not true I have never chucked one and he has millions) I dont know what to do it's not like I yell at him straight away and I always say thank you and give him a cuddle when he does what I ask, I always tuck him in and tell him I love him? ...

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