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Will I go to prison?

(19 Posts)
iwantanafternoonnap Mon 21-Jan-13 13:34:43

Film him next time or at least record the handovers on a machine. I met someone who did this with his ex and it meant that he got residency and it certainly helped prevent any further abuse.

NicknameTaken Mon 21-Jan-13 11:38:32

Yes to a public place. If your dc is school-school age, can you do an indirect handover, eg. one of you drop the child to school, the other one collects, keeps for the night and brings back to school?

What worked with my ex was a combination of doing it in a public place and pretending to record him. I didn't actually record him - I have an old and very basic mobile phone which isn't capable of such feats - but he thought I was, so would keep his mouth shut and glare ferociously instead. A considerable improvement.

Piemother Mon 21-Jan-13 00:28:36

Second the advice about public handovers. He can contest this but it's likely your order reads 'make dc available for contact' so you are within your rights to adjust the collection point. I would give this a try first and pick somewhere with CCTV and it lots of staff. If you choose a cafe pick a small table and put stuff on the other seats to discourage him from sitting down etc. it would be harder for him to lay in to you in a crowded cafe with strangers in ear shot.
If this doesn't improve things you need to get legal advice about either insisting in contact centre handovers or varying the contact order.
Do you have concerns about your dc in his care? If yes you can withhold contact on welfare grounds.
You should also contact your local women's aid/domestic abuse service. They would at least provide some support even if they can't directly intervene.
Situation sounds horrendous hmm

Chandras Sun 20-Jan-13 23:46:20

You don't need someone to do the handovers for you, just arrange for them to happen in a very public place like a supermarket cafe, where there is even someone from security at hand in case he gets abusive, and plenty of witnesses around.

You don't need to talk, just make your child run to him as soon as you see him, setting up a 15 minutes window for pick up is also good, if he doesn't show up within 15 minutes, you are free to get on with your day. You can arrange all this on your own or through mediation.

karrie8 Sat 19-Jan-13 13:09:25

My ds is 21 months old he has to travel on a bus 31 miles away this is why I was going to not let him go and I did suggest a different day

cestlavielife Fri 18-Jan-13 23:17:49

Wear headphones when you handover and play your iPod .
Don't open door til child is ready then hand him over and say goodbye. Keep things short. If he has to wait then tough.
Use a third party or hand over in public place.

Practice saying things like "busy gotta go bye" and shutting door putting down phone. You don't have to listen to him.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 18-Jan-13 22:54:08

If you can afford a babysitter/nanny to do the handovers then that's the best option. Remember that this man has no right to contact of any kind with you against your wishes: you can insist that he makes arrangements to see the child via email only, and ignore any phone calls/texts from him, and don't open the door if he turns up at your house.

Stonewall him long enough and he will either get bored and sod off, or he will behave badly enough for you to be able to get court orders to keep him at a distance.

DeltaUniformDeltaEcho Fri 18-Jan-13 21:28:30

Sounds horrible.

How old are your DC?

Is this a recent split?

FannyBazaar Fri 18-Jan-13 21:08:10

How old is your DC? How do you normally do handovers?

I usually try to take my DS to his father's place and pick up from there, I don't go in, it's an entry phone and a flat so he just says 'coming down' and doesn't open the door. I don't hang around then. Unfortunately for me, DS likes ex to come to my place and then to show him his stuff. I like that DS can do this but don't like ex here, I usually stay in the other room and if he talks to me, I suggest he talks to DS about things he wants to know. I did once have to ask him to leave because he was trying to start arguments and being racist. I told him he couldn't come in again if he spoke like that.

Karrie8 if I was a non resident parent and the parent with residence stopped contact because of snow and a cold, I would be furious, this shouldn't stop a child having time with the other parent. How does your DS feel about this?

thoughtstrue Fri 18-Jan-13 21:04:27

I am really at the end of my tether and have now developed health issues due to stress. I thank you all for your support and advice.

catwisd Fri 18-Jan-13 21:02:45

I don't have advice but well done on getting away from him, and limiting your dc's exposure to a meeting every other weekend. He sounds awful.

karrie8 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:59:14

Thats really awful of him to do this too you hes sounds like an emotional abuser, do you still have a solicitor you could contact for advice on this. Or perhaps call your health visitor explain whats going on perhaps you can get an order on him, or even try talking to the police about his behaviour xxxx

insideoutsider Fri 18-Jan-13 20:58:15

Get a babysitter / nanny arrangement where she does the handover. That way, you'll never have to see him.

thoughtstrue Fri 18-Jan-13 20:47:24

Thank you karrie8 and DeltaUniformDelatEcho. I am alone in this so do not have anybody to help with handovers. He pretends he is interested in our child, but he has told me that he is using these contact meetings to 'make me pay, as it is all my fault we broke up'. I am heartbroken that he can use our child in this way. I don't want him, and I don't want to endure this anymore, but I am scared of going to prison. What do judges do if you break orders?

karrie8 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:31:40

Also I dont want my ds going tomorow due to snow and hes got a cold but my ex is kicking a right fuss up about it so im not sure what im doing in morning but ours is a contact order through the courts aswell

DeltaUniformDeltaEcho Fri 18-Jan-13 20:30:27

Can you get a neutral person to do handovers?

To be honest unless there is serious concerns for your DC's safety then you can't just stop contact.

Maybe look into a contact centre?

karrie8 Fri 18-Jan-13 20:29:35

Hi I doubt you go to prison, I know exactly how you feel regards to being verbally abused I get this from my ex too its just not on is it. Whats he saying?

thoughtstrue Fri 18-Jan-13 20:22:27

It orders contact every other weekend. I am seriously tired of being verbally abused every other weekend. I am considering ignoring the order and stopping contact, but I do not know the consequences. I do not want to go to prison.

thoughtstrue Fri 18-Jan-13 19:58:58

Please can anyone give me advice on what happens if I decide to ignore the court order for child contact? Will I go to prison

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