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a bit of advice please?

(10 Posts)
oopsadaisymaisy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:40:56

My little man just sobs and does everything he can to please his dad so he all keep seeing him. It makes me seeth.

Mrcrumpswife Tue 15-Jan-13 19:36:54

All the anger and resentment Dd feels towards her Dad when he lets her down is aimed at me which i find very hard because he does it all the time but i just cross my fingers and hope that in time she see's him for the selfish shit he is.

She is getting there slowly and i'm sure your DS willsmile

oopsadaisymaisy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:33:21

Mrcrump, thank you. You're right of course and yes it is shit isn't it. He adores his dad and yearns for his love. It breaks my heart to hear him on the phone to him sometimes. Asking to see his dad and his dad making up excuses not to. The saddest thing being that ds knows only too well they're excuses. I try not to be bitter but I get so resentful sometimes.

oopsadaisymaisy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:29:38

Thanks pebbles. My son wouldn't understand if I denied him time with his dad. I'm pretty limited in my management of this. I guess I just support my little man if anything unsettling does come of it. I'm very suspicious of his dads motives. He usually has one.

Mrcrumpswife Tue 15-Jan-13 19:28:10

I would ask your DS how he feels about it tbh.

My Ex sounds the same as yours which is a nightmare but your Ds is old enough to have some input but also old enough to object and stamp his feet if it goes wrong.

A horrible position to be in, we are still muddling on with the damage DD3s Dad does to her and she's 13 now. I wish he would bugger off to be honest but i support her choices and pick up the pieces when needed.

pebblesandbamm Tue 15-Jan-13 19:26:28

I think you should let your son choose if he sees his dad and in what circumstances and if dad doesn't respect his wishes then you have grounds to put your foot down. Sounds like you've worked hard to support your child emotionally and it would be unfair for his dad to waltz in and undo all of that. I'd definitely let the overnight stays wait a while.

(I'm in no position to advise really. I have no experience of this situation.)

oopsadaisymaisy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:19:15

He's 10.

Mrcrumpswife Tue 15-Jan-13 19:18:06

Can i ask how old your DS is?

oopsadaisymaisy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:11:54


oopsadaisymaisy Tue 15-Jan-13 19:01:23

My ex used to have his son practically half the week, met his now wife and promptly reduced contact to a few hours alternate days at weekend. Oh and one stay a month but promptly' and I mean on the button he's brought back at 10am the next day. My child suffered greatly as a result of this rejection and 2 years down the line we're doing great. My son is stable, doing better at school and socially. We've come through a lot and in many respects his father did us a huge favour. He was an emotionally abusive and controlling man. So, anyway, his wife is pregnant and I ve noticed my ex has been in contact with my son more and this week he's asked to have him over night. I know this man too well and I'm anxious about his motives. I'm also worried that it will prompt a return to my son feeling desperately rejected when his dad starts moving the goal posts. I'm just worried and really would value any thoughts or advice. I'm not sure I have any options other than to just say yes to everything. I could never tell my son he can't see his dad but I want to protect him.

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