Ex spoils dd

[GracieLoo]

There is a lot of stuff I hear from dd that goes on at her dads that is stressing me out. She is now 4 so able to tell me what she's been doing, eating etc.

I have tried just letting things go, i know he's going to do things differently but there are some things I feel I need to bring up with him, but for some reason I hate doing this as he'll get arsey!

He let's her eat a lot of sweets, gives her choc spread on toast for breakfast, sweets in the car etc. He let's her take apple juice to bed. This annoys me more as he always tries to make out he's the perfect dad regarding her health and hygiene. He also gives her calpol whenever she wants it.

She comes back stinking of cigarettes, I always have to wash everything, and I always save hairwash night for when she's back.

He moved further away which means going on m25, and I noticed he's letting her sit in the front (in her seat). There's no need for it and I think it's safer in the back.

I might sound petty, but her behaviour has got really difficult recently, and him spoiling her is just making it worse and I always look like the bad one. Shall I just have a chat about these things? It's making life very difficult for me, and I'm starting to hate collecting her when she's in a bratty mood.

[RandomMess]

Does he ever have her for a longer period of time? Personally I would arrange for her to go for a 2 week holiday so she can experience time with him once the mutual novelty has worn off!

The only way to approach it is to ask him if these things that dd is telling you are true however he may then start encouraging dd to keep secrets/not tell you things.

[VBisme]

I don't think there's a huge problem with breakfast, but I would talk to him about the rest of it. (Particularly the car and the smoking).

Just be ready for him to question some of your parenting judgements as well.

[GracieLoo]

She's not telling tales, it just comes up in conversation. He can question my parenting all he likes! It's a bit different having her once every other week to full time. I'm no way perfect but I have common sense! I want her to eat well and her teeth not rot.

He took her away for a long wkend this year, she got ill and came back a different child, expecting whatever she wanted.

[RandomMess]

Nope she's not telling tales but you can say to him "Ha ha, dd says you let her have x y z, but she's got to be making that up as you would never do a b c"

She is old enough to learn that there are different rules and expectations in different homes.

[GracieLoo]

Yeah I might try that with the juice at night! Making out I would never believe he would do that. Sat here now having a battle about breakfast, she may be old enough to know there are different rules but it doesn't stop her pushing it with me.

Actually finding things very difficult at the moment. Sometimes I feel like walking away from it all. I'm crying a lot and very irritable, try to hide it from dd but she prob is picking up on it. Her dad is just an added stress I could do without.

[cestlavielife]

Sitting in front is fine so long as airbag is switched off.
If is once a week then try not to worry too much dentist has always said sweets on one day a week is ok.

If you finding things tricky have you tried a separated and divorced group or workshop ? It can really help with strategies . Like //www.drw.org.uk or ask via gp